Where Art Thou?

There weren’t any veiled notions,
In my heart, the pedestal of emotions…!
It could hold no more sweet words,
For it was tripping and falling backwards….
It could not embrace the unbridled passion,
For the love that was greedily consumed….
It could not withstand the will to cease,
For the life that was lived; not with ease…
It could not handle anymore white lies,
For the words of yesterday remain as blues…
It could not witness the grand parade,
For the chariots of love have gone askew…
It could no longer wish to be on Neptune,
For my life is soaked in volumes of misfortune…
It could not set things right in its reign,
For all those efforts of the past were in vein…
I die not, until I make my stand clear,
Where art thou? Am waiting to hear….

The You in Me!

Insanity healed the black spot in my heart
Was it a drill or a chisel that drove deep with an iron hammer?
I wouldn’t know; maybe it was both; taking turns,
Clearing the leaks, I slithered through soft tendons…
There it is: the full spot; its presence like, swirls of smoke disappearing into the sky.
It was worth seeing the spirit of my uncontrollable desire
Like the fine edge of the sword to unfurl from its sheath
A novice that I was, still taking lessons from the school of hearts
I only know what is gone, is lost now and what I had is mine no more.
The veil I wore; coined for so long and so wrong - as hypocrite,
Concealed the brandings of my embarrassing nakedness
For me, any other attire meant a disgrace to my existence.
Through love I tasted the fortitude of my life.
Curing one, it yielded another incurable pain.
The agonizing heat of love burned my heart cruelly,
Quite soon, before I could hold it firm...
And there like a smoldering fire, it withered away to ashes
Withstanding the pain it left behind;
All I had were the scars, for all the years to follow...
That pains not the external flesh but the internal heart!

Missing Someone

Hi……
I know I can’t imagine myself to be this way…but then I really don’t know ..rather didn’t know that this would ever happen…..The missing part !
Every time I said you are wasting your time, energy and money unnecessarily…I guess I was so right cos maybe if you had given it a thought back then…I (we) wouldn’t have ended up missing you(each other) this way…hey but I’m not blaming you or anything here…but it’s like….you know…gets pretty difficult for me to cope up now..at least 8hrs a day you work…I’m totally idle..Doing nothing…& nothing at all…but feel bad and recoil...the past & miss the fun filled days we had.....

Hmm it’s like, how do I say…I am not very sure I found the rights words to describe what I am going through… I maybe wrong here in making the best choice of the words…but I am sure you would know what I mean…coz, I literally grew-up with you. I spent the prime years of my life with you, the time that every human needs to define themselves, to identify themselves, the time that makes you feel that you belong to a certain specific group, where in you are being liked for the person that you are….

And it was always you, who helped me shape-up my life better… you were like my diary….every day I “bla bla bla” to you about what I had been through the day, my likes and dislikes, my positives and negatives, my little fetishes and my absolute turnoffs, cribs, gripes, concerns and “what-not’s” and then you were there….Always!

You were the best listener I’ve got so far…As far as I cud remember I never let u speak fully, properly, clearly as in from the beginning to the end with a formal opening note and a conclusionary one…I always (Still do!) had this bad-bad habit of cutting in between when you are about to say something and start yapping away to glory until I run short of stories or I’m drained out of energy…and during all those time you have never complained…not even close to that..Thinking back, realization strikes about the way I’ve been….I know…I feel ashamed to admit it, yet the fact remains that I’ve been so selfish about doing all the talking and letting play the part of being just a listener and also a mute one at that …and u didn’t even mention it as a smallest concern to me…..Why?

I know it probably sounds stupid or silly maybe and I am sure, I shouldn’t be saying this…but still I really wonder what is it that really impressed you about me…coz…honestly I’m not as generous you are..…as helpful as you are..as kind hearted as you are …as open minded as you are and of course, not the least, as brainy as you are ! And I damn sure know that you wouldn’t buy any of these statements…

I feel like crying, even with it, I realize the teardrops trickling down my cheeks involuntarily when I say all this..I really don’t know why..I never thought missing people would still be one of my weakness’s in life…but looks like it still exits and it would go on and on…I feel I’m not so ready to make good friends with strangers……as for me…I just want to save up the few precious ones that’s left with me…..don’t want to add new ones and eventually lose out on the old ones…NO…I don’t want that to happen…I don’t want the time factor to curb all my valued relationships with the people I really care for !

As much as you miss me I do too…I really wanted to meet you and talk to you and all that in person..but then the essence of stipulation was also to be thought of in deciding on the most sanest option….anyways if I am very sorry if I had hurt you in manner...I really didn’t meant to do so…but I was just trying in not letting you to spend an extra buck on me with your stiff financial state or an extra hour on me which only adds more to the mounting frustration that must have been build up during the years.

As I see it today, You have done a lot to me already....and I really am in debt !I don’t know how I am going to negate at least 50% of what you’ve done so far.......and that is the main reason I miss you all the more....coz I feel I’m totally dependent on you sometimes...though I constantly keep reminding myself I shouldn’t be so...
Hope you won't forget me with time & years to follow…. I am not sure if I would be able to take it, to know that you have forgotten me!
Missing You Terribly…..
Ever Yours,
XXX

Easy Living?

What can you suggest as a simple solution to an easy living??

Easy living? What’s easy living....what kind of living is easy on this earth?

You want people to talk to you...but sometimes you don’t want them to talk to you and would like to be left alone all by yourself?!

You want people to spend some valuable time with you...but when they actually come down to spend some good time with you...You are no more interested or you are just-about over and done with your time-out session.

So where or how the hell does it seem easy ?

It’s fucking complicated all over...and you are not a perfect soul to turn everything into gold and make miracles happen at the click of your fingers or with the flick of your illusionary-magical-wand; oh come on! Give it a break…. This aint any fantasy drama!

Often, when you are down to the core, drenched with frustration and even more of them surfacing newly like those pearls of water particles dripping from the end-ringlets of your freshly showered hair…You think, think and rethink... All you can figure-out is that....At the end of it all.....You can’t crib , You can’t complain...nor can you run down in the dumps seeking solace....because you are just one of those cheap-attention-seeking-social-animal; being keenly watched upon by many bunches of never closing eyes...who are always ready to pounce on you with their caustic comments or witty wisecracks making you the clown of the crowd and then you have a so called fucking status, a grade to maintain, and not-to-mention a self-esteem not worth a penny to uphold for, so you just stay there all smiles being splashed away with sugarcoated, subtle remarks often doused with a paroxysm of sarcasm!

yeah, yeah sure......why not....after stomping well enough on all your emotions and feelings which forms the fulcrum of your life...You can sure as-hell do so much more to maintain all the external extravaganza that would add more value to your communal crap life !

Well, what’s my botheration after all, I being the I, that I am, for the past 26 years now…I am not REALLY used to keeping quiet…I am used to making a lot of noise… A lot more of noise when things aren’t going the way it actually is supposed to…the noise turning into a racket or tantrum all the more possibly when there isn’t a positive response for my yelling!

Yeah… Yelling and Screaming and making a lot of noise is my way of taking out my anger….. Do you have a problem with that dude? I don’t care if you do… Coz, if you did, you are free to go screw yourself royally or otherwise!

...Speaking of facts, once can’t really be saying such things or gesturing about with the renowned finger all the times; it certainly cannot be considered sophisticated when we are to deal (clean-up?!) the fruit-smelling-pleasant-looking load of high-class erudite and cultured shit.

I only cringe at being left at such a situation where in I can’t utter the most needed, most apt word, ya obviously for known reasons of the kind of people one is forced to deal with....and I find myself at such kind of fixation...and am helpless to retrieve myself and get back to the normal mode….coz, “Cringing is bad for health, It’s probably worse than caffeine, and you don’t even know!” - Habitually, both my palms go right up to shut my ears as tight as they could from these warning bells of the inner me!

I'll tell u....as long as something’s clean and clear....it would be valued...anything ambiguous is a disheveled mass of junk…A piece of cat-crap beautifully sitting on the fresh plate of your dining table on your breakfast, on a brilliantly bright morning!

Awwww!!!! Someone said “TAKE IT EASY”..........Nothings EASY dude!!!!

Nothing’s ever a piece of cake, it’s always a piece of shit that you always chase around and wipe it clean to get the small-buck lying beneath it. And hey, look are you trying to tell me that's coined as "hard-work"????

Every darn thing has its own goddamned complexity to drive people crazy or get them out of their senses, all of a sudden!
Now, who can help if your taste runs down to chrome and plastic...and forget the essence of actual deal behind this lucrative business?
Well, to me chrome and plastic means – materials… being materialistic isn’t a very bad thing to do as all of us for some strange reason are happy only through material means, good food, good clothes & good shelter… one of those or two of those…sometimes even all of those…!

And talking about business, why yes of course, Life is a business….if it possesses all the busyness that would keep it going….why not??

Ya...........IF it gets to that....I WUD MAKE SURE TO PAY MY SHARE!

A probable bait for the EASY-LIVING fish that I am looking out for?

Office Romances & More....

The only dismal thing that can match remotely to learning “Garbage Disposal Techniques” are my office gossips. Now - I do know it very well don’t I? What with my notion of perfecting in the art of story telling, I am always super-keen to yarn the incidents with a little nuance of austerity and loads of subtle sarcasm as some might call it.

Well yes, for those that are alcoholics of work and those that aren’t, office is an inevitable part where maximum of their active time is being spent on work or on other things – they get to choose!

By far, in the closely knit clan of veteran software professionals, most of their life’s interesting incidents, both pleasant and unpleasant seem to happen during their office hours.

In a cubicle of 6, more than 3 are either in love or about to get married or already married after going through the saga of “I came, I saw, and I conquered the love!”

And for the rest of the 2 or 3 that are no more than bottled specimens labeled as “Chemically Ineffective”, have nothing interesting in life to do, as neither could they fall in love with someone apart from themselves nor could they stop themselves from brooding over or bickering about their (happy) counterparts.

Eight hours of work demands 3 coffee breaks and one lunch break, at least for the beginners… !

And these are probably the most monumental time at work where in gossips across Accounts/Projects/Cities/States/Continents are being discussed.

“Hey, wow your turquoise blue beads necklace is looking amazing on you!”

“Wow, what a vivacious olive green nail paint color Revlon has launched yesterday…. did you get a chance to see that new commercial ad on the TV?”

“Oh boy, did you check-out Harry’s new Tuxedo in last evening’s episode? Wasn’t he looking stunning?”

“BTW, Lisa dumped that Wild-Life Photographer boy friend of hers and is into this young businessman that visits her place often during the evenings…. Hmmm… I just happened to peep outside my window and he was there at her doorstep loaded with big gifts and flowers. Boy, he’s quite something…..no wonder she’s laid her eyes on him!”

“Tina got married to Arijeet last weekend, neither of their families are aware of this and you know what????? She is been put-up at Arijeet’s place even before they were married…that’s something her parents should not be…………..”

And………Kweek kweek kweek kweeek kweeek …screeching away like an audio tape that lets out a sound when fast forwarded….

Well, obviously there are these moderately handsome guys who almost always make sure to pass-by these chemically-ineffective creatures aisle, just to ensure that they’re being checked-out for at least a half-a-dozen times on an average in a day, which gives them a perverse kick to derive an evil pleasure out of and subsequently bloat about an inch or two with the pumped-up ego!


Couple of such days, and then these chemically ineffective creatures struggle hard to concentrate on their work, but end-up failing at it miserably almost always………

Pantries are entries for budding love…

You get into this pantry trying to get a mug of coffee for yourself but
not-so-accidentally bump into this smart guy who’s trying to get his drink too and then happens the introduction scenes, followed by periodic coffee breaks as a port for checking the guy out (or Vice versa) and then getting to know each other….and then dating each other… and then the seeing each other…and then the commitment mode…which then strangely and viciously transpires in to the getting married to each other mode or at least one step closer to it!

Similarly, Lunch hours are the times for these software buddies in unlocking the zip-locs, which result in the eye-locks; from there on progress further to lip-locks and eventually turn them into bed-locks….which may or may not end-up as
wed-locks!

And there are these Classical Office Romances, that which are truly geeky in every way…

Endlessly tapping away on the keyboard, and staring hard to blindness into the monitor, to give out the best deliverables and staying over the night for completing such tasks, for which obviously a company is more important than food. And a subtle relationship blooms there, sprouting from a sweet admiration at each other’s dedication towards work and moves further on to the next stage…. Man, this cant really be avoided…...No wait, if that ever happens that would only make them retarded or stuck in a time warp and or clueless, or all three together, welcoming them as a highly dignified golden member of “The Club of Insane Genre”.

Every relationship that a man and woman shares, are bound have some unwritten yet mandatory rules. If you fall for someone who’s extremely far better qualified and high in designation, your chances are abysmally low with that person for he/she would always look for someone who’s at the very least on the same levels with him/her.

And then there are these snobbish, high-hat crowds that don’t gel well with the redneck bigots who are usually of the mass lot unlike these class lots....its so much fun watch them both grimace at each other for obviously same reasons with an opposite effect though!

Office is indeed a colorful place to begin your life or rather look out for beginning your life, if I must put it right!

After 23 Days.....

Ummm, Yeah! It's been 23 days since the wedding bells rang rather very loudly with lots of cheer and a lot more of inviting the people, meeting the people, greeting the people, eating with the people, photographing with the people...Ufff!

The big day finally got over with not many of those extremely hair-splitting or nostril-flaring or ear-burning petty squabbles between distant cousins of the two families or a reunion set stage on a bad-note due to a biased or wrongly done "Will" of an ancestral grand father!

Many unexpected faces..... with a quite a few missing ones though... made the place seem overwhemingly crowdy and noisy!

Why yes, certain not-so-essential things as they came with a tag marked “rudimentary” so as to give it the density that it otherwise would not have deserved on a normal hour of the day, were anticipated to be done in the 11th hour, not that there was someone actively involved in having this plot set, to be blamed for, yet it wasn’t definitely a happy sight to see a single lady managing a handful of too-many-cooks-spoil-the-broth situations in a pandemonium that unveiled itself on the stage that was set for the D-Day!

And then there was too much make-over making one loose their identity to such an extent that, the friends and relatives keep gaping at you for so long that you feel you would rather melt away like a cube of butter dropped into a red-hot pan. So much for the mini-trapeze look alike set as my hair-do for the reception, with bunch of flowers adorning around it, from where the cascade of free-flowing, thick long-hair (artificial of course) was set. When it was over a quarter to 11pm, I was a herculean task to recover my original hair in its original form as in the process I had lost strands and strands of my priced possession - Thanks to those maniacal hairpins & clips that was professionally adorned by my make-up artist!

Resting for about an hour or so, for the auspicious time that was set for the next morning between 5.30am - 7am(for my marriage), I was woken-up by a jerk that shook me wildly in the name of getting me out of sleep as quickly as possible, god bless the soul for I have never in my life reacted so sweetly to anyone who has tried to wake me from my slumberland!

For further details contact my mom.... She could write journals of "Miss Sleepy Sal's Tantrums" with the rich data she possesses!

Blame it on waking up from the wrong side of the bed or the noble-jerk that did the honors ..... I was somber-faced all the while as if I am expecting something dismal to break-out any minute...

Proof: The Photgraphs taken on 8th Dec 2008 between: 5.30am - 9.30am.

I sincerely hope that god for once forgets to bless the moronic photographer who hadn't had the least bit of sense to get the bride smiling or have her hair set right when he was capturing her life's most significant snapshots! Worthless snaps for a fat 25k spent on these shit-heads!

Friends, Colleagues, Friend's Parents, Cousins and Relatives.... meeting them all was one happy thing that happened in those two days if you ask me personally.

The fact that the marital status was changing from a so and so miss to a so and so mrs was in fact pretty strange. I couldnt place it right then..... still cant..... I am used to being Saloni Ramachandiran.... would love to remain that way.... I mean.... ya, now that I am married and all that, does it really call for a change in each and every thing that I was out-n-out used to for the past 26 years of my life.... Don't think so... Few things change yes..... Marital Status.... few other assorted things that goes in as a package along with that one..... but the rest.... the real me? the one that I always was? The silly me? The philly me? The sleepy me? The grouchy me? The whiny me? The tomboyish me? The tantrum-throwing-devilish-mischievous-mostly-witty-partly-nutty me? The snappy me? The sarcastic me? The ever bubbly me? The always-smiling me? The noisy me? The talkative me? The ....... ...... ..... .... ... ... .. .

I do not know, losing the "Single, Virgin" status meant losing some definitions that characterized you as a person, which helped to identify you from a huge crowd! I haven't lost any.... It has only gone to a dormant state..... Hey look this is no altruistic or prudence talk...... Could possibly be tagged as "Matter-of-factly" coming from a Missus if I can endure it!

A Liaison

I didn’t realize until I took a long, passably deliberate look at him on the third day I met him, that he resembled one of my closest friends from college. It was a pleasant shock, that realization… the one you encounter at the verge of an utter disbelief, deceiving your senses for a wee bit, in turn giving room for those skin-tickling goose pimples to rise and fall throughout your body! But definitely one solid fact I came to realize in the recent past about people looking alike is that, they definitely, definitely do not share same characteristics – now, however dumb or not-so-dumb that may sound to you!

Well, it was intriguing somehow for me to share a pleasant acquaintance with this chap, a little older than I am, married for 2 years and no kids, yet young, handsome, friendly, accommodative and most of all “TALKATIVE” – which easily grabs my attention towards a guy!

I don’t really know if it’s true that you cannot be in love with two guys (or girls) at the same period in time. I have not experienced it personally. So to speak, of this person I am talking about, I was very thrilled to know that it was quite easy and smooth for him to handle two ladies, “A wife and A mistress!” he winks and tells me. I was perturbed with his latter reference to a lady although unknown to me, I felt it was unethical.

“How could you classify a lady as “A Mistress” ?... I demanded.

A pause, A scratch of the chin followed by a slow and intentionally thoughtful smile…after all those series of expressions and gesturing he responds peacefully,

“It’s pretty simple. It’s what the lady actually wants to be referred to as. She’s unmarried and doesn’t want to marry me either. But she likes my company and so do I. I asked her to define her relationship with me and I wanted to know if she would like to marry me one day in future or if it was even there in her kitty bag. But she plaintively refused and said that she just wanted to be what-ever she was and is not interested in a nuptial relationship and would be very happy to remain as my mistress and only mine at that!”

He looked up at me from cleaning his mug with hot water at the pantry counter of my bay and unfolds a smile, one of his favorite angelic ones, and asked, “ So, dear lady are you convinced with my explanation for your acquisition of calling the lady ‘A Mistress’ ? ”

He waited for me to respond, while I was lost trying to place his answer somewhere inside the premises of “things-that-make-sense” stacked up at one undetected corner of my grey mass…while he tapped my shoulder and raised his eyebrows gesturing as if to mean if I was “Okay” with the answer he just gave.

I smiled back at him reflectively and said, “It kind of still feels so convoluted to me….that relationship and the naming of it!”

He said, “Dude, it’s a debate between “Seeing What You Believe” and “Believing What You Experience”, when you strictly observe the former, I stick to the latter… and that makes the difference between you and me!”

My Transcendental Patience Practice (aka TPP) is definitely not up to the mark!

On Choices & Priorities....

I've lived most of my life having only one option in my hand, I never had many choices, and even if I had one, things/situations/events just seemed to point in only one direction. So I never did too much proactive thinking on the choices I need to make with my life. And sophistication to me always meant the ultimate zenith instead of an elixir. One of my friends rightly called me as a dame who dwells in the past.

I thought that was the way life is going to be, whenever I used to plan anything, things never got executed in the same way, the way I expected them to be. So I started expecting the worst, after all how low can things get. It took me a while to get over with that kind of living, where you can never dream of something and eventually realize them. And after all these years now, I'm still the same dame who lives in the past, just that the memories are bittersweet, and I cherish the time I had spent over the last decade, which defined me into whatever that I am to this day. And I look forward to spending the time in the same way, and much better in certain areas where I need progression, as a learning from the past :-)

However, I'm starting to get confused now. I'm used to doing things in the only-possible-way mode. Now I have a few options which I need to ponder upon, and make a decision. And I'm not able to do that. Is that what one calls “Lack of Experience”? I don't understand how people can prioritize things, how they can put something on hold for some time, and carry on as if nothing has happened. I always wondered, How can I do a thing, turn around and forget it for sometime, while I do something "more important"…..And then afterwards turn around yet again to resume from where I paused with the earlier one… Pretty confusing eh? But I rather find it a tough one to handle.

Well, the good news is, I'm learning...S.L.O.W.L.Y!

One of my friends recently said:

“I don't want to change my life coz something has happened. I still want to hang-out with my friends they way I did whenever and wherever I could, I still want to sleep till Sunday afternoon and have my breakfast/lunch on bed watching Cricket/F1/Football and see my favorite teams win. I still want to call up friends and talk to them till early mornings. But I realize life is more than just about these things. And I ought to learn how to put things in different perspectives at different times and act accordingly.”

This isn’t probably something like an immature man turning into a mature mode becoming a oh-I-am-so-responsible from this day till I die, at a click of a button.

And in this process of putting something’s in front and something’s in the back, we end up disappointing people or at least some.

While at school I never could buy the idea of studiousness and freak-out nature would go hand in hand. To me they were two extremes that can’t fit in to the frame when one is already in. Getting into college when I saw the batch topper partying like mad, having all the “Funs” of life without having to miss any of the academics at the time kind of stunned me to an extent, to speak the truth. I did not believe it could happen until I witnessed it myself.

Someone gives me a definition from behind me while I am typing this, calling out “This is what is called as “Dynamism” or “Versatility”, in cricket All-Rounders have it. It’s like when you know the game know-it-all, leave no gaps!”. I turn around to see it was one of my friendly colleagues who was waiting for me to accompany him for lunch.

“Interesting, I don’t think I am still a versatile person..” I said.

He smiles and replies “ I don’t think so. You are wrong. You probably are not aware that you are capable of multitasking. You are of course versatile, otherwise how could you manage to come-up with a post as well as the tasks for a day that you need to accomplish as your work demands”
Thoughtfully I descend the steps, as I still couldn’t relate to it clearly enough!

Growing Up?

Why do we grow-up?

Is it because people want us to be matured?

Is it because there’s an inherent expectation out of every individual as he grows older that there are a bunch of kids from the next generation that often look-up to you and want to regard you as a role model to strive in their lives and set out to achieve their goals?

Why do you stop behaving like a kid after a while?

Why do you stop whining or throwing tantrums for eating an ice-cream or going out for a movie or watching your favorite cartoon?

Why do you stop choosing the best colors that you once loved as a kid?

Why is it that you have to stick to the so-called Decent, Dignified, Decorous and Distinguished form of you although that’s not what you really are or really want from with in?

Why do you stop picking a fight over things like someone using your Pen or Pencil or Eraser?

Why do you stop fighting with a pillow or tugging at each others hair over a period of time after you grow-up?

Is it the Society?
Or
Is it the Status?
Or
Is it Ego?
Or
Is it the Education?
Or
Is it the Job?
Or
Is it the Experience?
Or
Is it the Age?
Or
Is it the so called MATURITY, which forbids each of us from what we are to the other person with time?Most of us don’t do much, to counter this so called time-warp that beats us out of shape from all the virtues of goodness that we possessed as a child and end-up being resigned and stay-put with the offer of being a victim to the nasty Mr. Big-Fat-Fate!

What with this entire growing-up gizmo that’s convoluting into an irresolvable dispute of the mature and immature thoughts teaming-up against each other and setting up a grand stage for a knock-out session…Ha Ha!

There’s a strange design pattern that’s woven intricately inside every grey cell that each head possesses, thanks to the single mechanic sitting in a far-away land driving this so accurately and perfectly in all the human machines flawlessly over zillions of years now. Now, someone said on my journal that the Jewish Carpenter who died at 33 was his favorite hero!

I sometimes feel at the lowest ebb of my world, when I see the ‘childish me’ fighting over the ‘matured me’ at a lot of occasions… and when I am forced to snap-shut the ‘childish me’ hard enough such that she doesn’t re-surface again...it hurts somewhere deep down!

I have more often than not, controlled my real emotions, actual feelings and the true senses from with in and have been someone that I am actually not… Thanks to the “Matured Lot”!!!!

I agree to this day that I have been a lot more than suave on many occasions…..all attributable to the so called “MATURITY” factor!If asking for an extra dosage of “Sweet Candies” or “Lollypops” or “Flying Kites” at the age of 20 odds is coined as immature, I would rather stay that way forever!

Ugghhhhh….To HELL with YA all!!

Memorabilia

In one’s life there are always turning points, defining periods, molding times or curing phases. Oddly the best of the incidents and the worst of them all are always remembered by us. This is only because of the impact that incident had caused in our lives and could also be the importance of the person/people involved. It’s us who define what dark periods are and happy ones are. Not so surprisingly, all the happy-endings like participating and winning in events & contents have always stayed on etched to the memory as the cheerful moments, while farewells, last-day celebrations - although named as “celebrations” don’t really make us happy, even while remembered, as they are all conducted with a sole motto of “bidding-adieu” or “sending-off” or “ saying goodbye”.

There used to be a season, in the last part of the final year, of the schools and colleges where the stationeries and notebook stalls had their day of best sales of certain types of Notebooks: Autograph Notes, Scrap Books & Address/Phone Notes. These kept passing between folks of the same batch or different streams but from the same school or college.

Some wrote meaningful notes, filled with heartfelt emotions for their friendship, while some utilized this as the best opportunity to open-up their hearts to the ones that they have been dreaming about privately & secretively, being one-sided of course, which otherwise they wouldn’t have had the guts to talk about. There are also some who for some strange reason wrote undecipherable “Quotes” or “One Liners” and left the owner of the book with split hairs.

Funny and memorable those days were, one could also come across some Stone-Cold-Steve-Austin’s who for the sake of maintaining their hunk-status never indulged in such kind of childish activities like filling their journal books in front of everyone, but funnily and idiotically used one of those harmless-huge-goggled-soft-spoken-studious wisdom turned principles-of-life souls (who almost always came in the package of a batch of students) to get two autograph books signed. Girls, often never questioned such harmless souls for they thought it’s probably one of the guiding principles of such soul’s to keep autographs at an even count.

One such interesting farewell note, which touched my heart, is as written below.

Analogy:-
A fountain pen, when filled fully with ink, writes like a dream. Smooth flow, precise width, crisp lines etc. But when the ink is running too low, there’s a lot of atmospheric pressure on the ink inside the barrel and hence the pen leaks as a result of the ink being pushed out, pressurized heavily to come out. The Lines become thick, ink smudges all over the paper and finally everything stops! No more ink!

Relating Story:-
This is exactly the same situation I am in right now, writing this autograph only makes it worse. It’s the sense of inevitability I guess. A smiley. Back then, during the initial years when we had a lot of time to be spent, our friendship (the Pen in the analogy) wrote smoothly, but for the occasional bitter incidents like groupisms, fights, misunderstandings (the bad papers in the analogy). But now, the time is coming to an end or getting over (the Ink in the analogy) lots of things are going astray. This may sound silly. But truth is I felt like I was 4 yrs old again. Clutching on to my mother’s hand and crying because I had to leave her and go to school…but then I had to let go…LOL…It's not me… she let go! Felt bad, angry, sad, etc then. But thinking back, it had to be done, as children should go to school, one cant deny that!... so are friends I guess, cant stay back once the course is over for the sake of studying together all over again!

My favorite song:
Rook Rook Na Na
Jhook Jhook Na Hai
Chal Na Hai Chalte Jana Hai
Jeete To Jeete Hare To Hare
Har Dil Ko Apna Bana Na Hai
- JHANKAAR BEATS

The above lyrics aptly sums up the attitude of the best way to look forward to life… “Life Carries On!”

I got this from a friend, “Life is a train journey, stations come and go, new people get in, old ones get off… but the train goes on & never stops for a longer time for anyone...." But what I really didn’t clarify with her was what if my destination is same as yours…. You may call it sarcasm, but it was a genuine doubt of mine! A smiley. Anyways, your motto must be “Happy Go Lucky, Where the Life Goes On….Stopping for None!”

This day, I sincerely wish you "All the very Best" !

Although to some of you it sounds stupid and juvenile, it means a lot to me, coming from one of my best friends, I know what it means especially when you both have traveled the prime years of your life together and are at the end of the long sojourn parting ways!
Cheers to you dude, wherever you are and whatever you do! :=)

Marriage Invite or a Lullaby?

For every love, there’s a heart somewhere to receive it, I found mine,
When my parents decided on a date for our rendezvous,
Where the words spoken, thoughts shared, experiences discussed
Let loose the nervous shiver that crept across the spine,
Giving room for the mind to determine what’s possible
And hence in the midst of my ordinary life came a turning point,
Where the triumph of imagination over intelligence happened
With our utmost permission when we step together at a joint,
Into the Long, Intricate, Intimate, Warm and Welcoming stage of life
Which acquaints us towards a future full of Planning’s, Earning’s and Saving’s,
Topped with Commitments and Promises for a life time
As we know there are hundreds of tiny threads that forms,
The single united one which frames my neck with three unmistakable knots
Indicating the legality of our lives together!
Come join us when we take our owe on the auspicious day for an eternal warranty of living together!

Public Nuisance(s)!

At 19 I was practically used to the early morning chastisement of the scorching sun and stinking crowd that held the city of Madras intact with the frigid overcast of psychotic, malevolent and moonstruck horde of earthlings. But, relatively speaking, I led a sheltered life as far as encounters with eve teasing is concerned; as I spent my two prime years of schooling happily riding my bicycle covering lesser than 3 kms both ways to finish off my high-school and similarly happened to travel in my college bus for almost all of my 4 years of UG life with the exception of select few times that I had to take city buses; thanks to the unusually timed exams and other extra curricular activities that kept me away from taking the usual college bus that would drop me with-in 500ft distance from my home.

In spite of these facts, it was one of those rare times when I happened to travel alone in an awfully crowded city bus that I have had an incident involving a“dire and desperate groping” or “perverse probing” of some sort that got me piqued with spleen & spite that I lost my temper and actually hit back at the guy in question, factually!

It was an hour and a half’s journey with the traffic giving room to a speed limit of no more than 10kmph, to add more to the hiccupping and bumper(butt?!)-kissing vehicles that were piled up ahead covering the line of view that comfortably settled well with in the near vicinity.
Fifteen monotonous minutes pass by with haggling and dangling passengers desperate to get their space to stand comfortably without having to be sandwiched between people from both sides; in all this, the bus gets progressively packed. There is hardly enough room to breath, let alone move. This sets the stage for the drama to unfold. I feel a pair of feet stepping forward to lean on my back; I move what little I can to avoid what I think of as the person who is really in need of some space to stand. Few seconds later, I feel a strange sense of something scraping past my lower back. As a reflex action, I lunge forward to grab the D-shaped iron bar which was acting as a head-rest pole, to avoid further abrasion. Few more moments pass by and then I feel it again. This time, I recognize a definite and deliberate rubbing. I try to turn around to see who it is at which I cannot succeed much as I couldn’t get enough space to turn my torso to a comfortable angle which could get me a view behind. At this unexpected movement of my body the contact withdraws with a sudden jerk.

A bus-stop comes by and few more people get in, but no one gets down garroting the already overflowing bus. I utilize this opportunity to turn-around; only to see a bunch of innocent looking commuters huddled at the other side of the bus, dreary and depleted of all energy. Bus chokes back to life after 10mins of what they call “Staging” which allows the conductor to squirm through the crowd to ensure purchase of tickets by all the passengers. After another uneventful set of minutes pass by with the bus getting gradually heavier due to the increasing load leaving my wait unproductive. I wait with agony half expecting the episode to have over and the other half to ambush upon my assailant when he resurfaces.

As the contemplation engulfs another couple of minutes, Suddenly, but slowly I feel the same leaning over rubbing to begin, and in an effort to control my blazing anger I catch hold of the nearest pole and bend my head down without altering the position of the rest of my body, apparently not giving any clues to my attacker, to find his legs right behind mine desperate to proceed in a forward movement. The bus was speeding past there was a lot of time for the next bus stop Guindy to come by, I did a quick strategy planning in the meantime and was waiting for the turn near Alandur to come by, and then when it did, as expected, as the bus took a sharp turn, it made all of us who were standing to go back and forth and some of us to loose balance which included me, albeit my balance was lost intentionally and landed with my whole weight on the right big toe of my tormentor and ended-up kneeing him by landing the blow pretty hard on his lower abdomen and was contended with a muffled groan of “uggg………ahhhh” that I heard in return of my action and quickly gather myself to an up-right position in a manner of balancing myself from the steep turn that the bus took, mentally thanking the driver having provided such an opportunity for me to quickly act upon!

When I got down at Guindy, behind me after 2 women and a school kid, I saw a man in his late thirties covering his groin area with his left palm and limping on his right foot stumbling his way through the crowd moaning in pain, while I satisfactorily headed towards the crowded sub-way to get to the other side of the road.

Traffic Rules? - Not A Rule!

The morning hours of Hyderabad are maddening. Especially at the gateways of cyber hub, to me they sound like gateways of hell. For one thing; the rush hour traffic that starts from the Banjara hills Road No 37 junction stretching past the roads of Madhapur till the Cyberabad is always irksome.

More annoying are the cab drivers that keep honking all the way, behaving as if they are the only ones expected to reach their pick-up/drop-off points in the entire crazy city on a Monday morning. They don’t seem to stop, until you go deaf and your ears hear no more than a bee-hum, a probable lull after a storm effect.

IT hub - collates a bunch of do-alike & do-similar, competent & master-minded software engineering - products and projects based skyscrapers, getting commercialized and customized hour-by-hour; is definitely a welcoming arena for folks of the same professional kinship but different geographical locations to flock together to work, now that’s yet another reason to the already suffocating number of cars with inches as distances to separate them and in some cases you even witness the inseparable bumper-kissing-mania envisaging the sticky and breathless atmosphere created due to countless number of vehicles coughing and sneezing to exhale their hazardous and noxious vapors as a result of excessively combusted fuel that’s usually an outcome of the idle engines at the indefinitely long stoplights or at the lengthy hold-ups at turnings & crossings due to the overwhelmingly disproportionate mass of vehicle population! bah!

It’s not just Chennai but more so for Hyderabad which revealed the shocking notions of traffic cops. The word traffic police means the civil force representing our central at the first level, percolating further down to the state level to maintain law & order which involved instructing the movement of vehicles on road and ensuring safety of the travelers, passengers & pedestrians by setting-up regulatory norms for the vehicular traffic moving to/fro and up/down. I couldn’t unfortunately be lucky enough find that place of the world where in its ingested or inscribed in any lithographic form that the purpose of Police is defined as an alternative source of C-energy (C= Currency) that I could probably have missed; given that I am not much of a world-traveler as yet. Neither is the performance of police evaluated by the number of violation slips that he has to surrender at the end of every day at his office or by the revenue generated out of it in favor of the government. Rather the high accumulation of such infringement affidavits are in reality an ordeal that publicly exhibits the failure of traffic cops and their effectiveness in their work. On similar lines it would also strongly reflect our public's concern for traffic rules in general and also the awareness of the responsibilities to be executed by a traffic cop.

Sadly in India we have plenty of Traffic Rules that half of us are unaware of and hence are hovering over subzero lane discipline or traffic sense for that matter so to speak. Safe driving should not come because of fear of being ticketed or being summoned legally for violation and/or the traffic cop stopping you to empty your wallet to quench his thirst imagining a dream come true of his secret little fetish for that costly booze that he kept ogling at a near by Pub’s display.


What’s probably missing here is the intense exposure of general public to take to the advantage of safe driving. Going back to some of the private bus/van-drivers, some of whom I would like to refer as honking-hooligans are such that they do not care an ounce for other vehicles. They would blow horn until you turn deaf or a stand-in-help associate of such vehicles (whom I also would love to refer to as banging-beefheads) would keep banging the side of their vehicle demanding way for them to traverse through as if in dawdling around the horrid traffic remains our happiness & reason of existence...Psssst!

At some point of time even you would get a shock of your life when a call-center cabby guy cuts past your vehicle and that too from left, without any indication or a honk as a bare minimum expectation and zooms into oblivion within those fearful count of seconds when you are still reeling from the stunning incident. Wonder what the Cops do not questioning or catching hold of such reckless cab drivers who are even daring to drive shabbily with a poster of “How Am I Driving?” Call:XXXXX XXXXX behind their back. Once with fuming anger; I called up to that number to complain profusely about the kind of driving the driver had exhibited only to see call getting lost intermittently every time with a “hello...hello…hello” from a man at the other end when I was only as far as the second sentence with the complaint I wanted to lodge as per the expectation out of that advertisement.

While one drives at the night, yet another painful part is the blinding high beams. It was with a good amount of noble thought and civic sense that drivers at night should not blind the upcoming-driver on the opposite direction, that the Government insisted the use of half-blackened headlights and a restriction of use of high-beams during nights. The same social wisdom was put into application when the government banned usage of dark tinted sun-film coats for car windows & windshields that is commonly in use by people for maintaining privacy and a wrong notion to have a better air-conditioner performance which is in practice actually being used for a lot of illegitimate purposes. These kinds of sensible law-making are however, to our distress, soon become law-breaking and further on to law-cracking by the makers themselves with their kinship strongly anchored with corruption.

And then the roads, how the state conglomerate decides so precisely to dig-up a freshly laid roads is a puzzle that only the city roadways officials can probably try answering.
There will be package of surprises waiting for you on your daily travel to a known destination lets say office, for an instance, where by suddenly beaten out-of-shape roads turn their ugly face on you with innumerable potholes give you an effect of break-dance while you are still driving.

Share-Auto folks must definitely be remembered and honored for their magnanimous presence to cause increasing concerns over breaking traffic rules and for committing those unforeseen errors while driving leading to unexpected mishaps! Drivers of these Share-Auto’s come in various sizes & shapes some are less than 13 kids while some are nearing twenty teens, on the other hand we even get to witness above 65 drivers all of them working in unison to cause troubles to the other vehicles on the traffic by twisting and turning exercises that they employ for maneuvering their vehicle. I also pity the passengers of such 7 seaters, who on all occasions are forced to hold their heart in their mouth till they reach their destination with out being grated or shoved to a place that’s neither here nor there!

There can be only one solution to this blame-game of who’s responsible for this malignant bad-traffic syndrome, that is to bring about stringent traffic rules, I suspect if my voice would be audible enough to be heard by some responsible souls serving the Central or State Government Authorities. I hope and pray - May sanity prevail on the drivers of various automobiles and also on the traffic cops to be active in penalizing the defaulters!

Simple Little Words!

How do you feel when someone says the magical words ‘thank you’, for a very rudimentary deed that you performed? It definitely makes you feel good, in fact it adds a glow to your face and you continue your work a shade happier than you were earlier. You may just have been doing a job that you are being paid for e.g., Sending out a task update for the day. Still when someone says ‘thank you’ it makes you feel good. Why is this so? For one, those words acknowledge your presence and contribution to others’ needs. When one acknowledges your presence and feels grateful for your company and your actions in that particular moment, it is bound to make you feel good. There’s definitely no second ways to it. This is sure to give that most sought-after kick that would let you float a bunch of inches high from the ground level. P.E.R.I.O.D.

If you have a lot of friends and you are more of an extrovert then you definitely are bound to undergo another legendary ignominy of taking them all for granted.

So, the question here is: Have you ever taken someone for granted?

It’s a virtue, to incur the habit of reflecting upon your day and how you performed through-out your day.

“Everyday in life’s book is a page to be turned over with the gratitude for existence and appreciation for lessons learnt on that very day!”

As some one rightly put, the world’s best verdicts are always taken when you retire for the day and analyze the pros and con of the incidents, situations with the background props involved. Listen to yourself. Are you thankful enough towards all those people who contribute to your life in several ways? When ponder on those lines, you would with a little disappointment, realize that there were many instances that you just took for granted.

Mom: In the morning rush hour at home when all of us get ready to reach our respective organizations, it’s mom who helps us with breakfast and lunch (or any lady or maid servant in her place). It’s her; who toils in the kitchen to prepare the food for us everyday…

Do any of us care to express a word of thanks or give a quick hug and a smile for all that she does in the hurry to cope-up with the time and taste?

It is true that such services within the family are performed without expecting anything in return. Still your expressing thanks acknowledge their presence and make them feel needed. Is this not the least that you can do for your loved ones? The same goes for your father, siblings, grandparents and any extended family and friends you interact with on a daily basis. It helps you too!

When you express a feeling of thanks, a positive act is performed not just for others but for yourself too. It helps you keep things on a positive note and receive the blessings of the elders in the family which is a distinct strength and motivation for your day to go super-cool. In today’s stressful life people easily fall prey to negative moods like dissatisfaction, irritability and even worse bouts of depression. Such negative feelings can be kept at bay consciously when you interact with others and acknowledge the interaction.

As I already quoted sometime before in my previous post, babies are such blissful beings gifted by god to be nurtured by mother universe. If there’s anything that can drive depression away and out of someone it definitely is that beautiful angelic smile of an flawless infant, that innocent, harmless, heart-warming, sweet, welcoming, cute, inviting and pleasing smile is worth a zillion that the truck loads of costliest medicines fail to accomplish in a depressed soul.

Love the kids that are gifts of gods and the nature will automatically fall in love with you and your presence – I wish I could shout this loud and sound; to get the message across to everyone!

I sing to my plants. I talk to them when I water them, I don’t essentially water them; I make sure I cleanse them with good water and proper food for energy and nourishment; after all, they have a life too! Not being able to express feelings through an organ of communication such as “mouth” isn’t a crime for lack of reception of one’s emotions…. For I know plants do speak to the ones who speak to them!

If you entwine an attitude that reflects gratitude towards all positive things that you see around yourself, you will undoubtedly have a fulfilling and happy day. The focus will shift towards what you have and what you have received rather than towards what you do not have. And a happier state of mind makes a person perform better, as a result of which with better productivity - You will then have more things and instances to be thankful about. So dudes out there go ahead and spread the message of gratitude by virtue of small instances- express gratitude whenever possible; and never fail to add a smile to someone’s face and to yours too!!!

What's your take?

To get out of things that you were good at is much more difficult than trying to get good at something that’s completely new to you. A darkness more than a no-moon night settles over you during that bad, bad phase where in you got to embark on the fact that, “Hey dude, this is all you got for now, take it and be happy as long as it lasts!”

Well, that said, On a rationally different note, I would stomp my right foot forcefully and cry out loud -> “Anything is possible if you really T.R.Y & most of us give-up almost at the verge of getting it, making it all the more easier for our successors, who don’t really have to sweat too hard as they already are treading the beaten but unfinished path.”

I am not the one that quits quite soon. Give-up is something that I hate to do even for the verbal effect of it. But now, giving up differs a lot depending on the circumstances that you are part of or pushed into knowingly or unknowingly, wantonly or not!

There have been a lot of social anomalies identified in the society and system we’re living in; hues & cries about the same from all corners of the country from individuals, group of people, public-serving-organizations or communities creating one hell of a ruckus on and off, in a way dying for a tainted means of acquiring an undying spot on the magazines or newspapers on the current affairs section or on the hot-listed weeklies, trying to sound politically right all the time! (Of course, no more than a zilch logically; but who cares dude?)

Well, what’s all this about anyways… one might ask…with the multitude of problems in the society, community and country wide, I am kind of stuck in deciding on which one to pick first…

Men sneering and jeering at women folks in public places?
Men not giving opportunities to women folks at work places?
Men not treating women folks on par with their mental abilities?

While, these three points would fill one’s plate of argument to the brim, it just doesn’t stop there; there are also repercussions of giving-what-was-asked-for echoing from all corners of the country.

Women folks mocking men at public places?
Women folks going all out on a stampede-mode with men at workplaces?
Women folks not treating the men working with them in the right sense?

Why are people always ready to pounce and prey on each other?

I don’t think Adam & Eve would have liked that really, had they seen what was it to a civilized world giving two different genders, featuring specialized capabilities and characters to change the world into a more constructive place to flock to (even for other unknown alien forms of living beings from the other planets) rather than making it more destructive day by day.

I ain’t anyone to change this à la mode that’s laid deep into zillions of minds by now. What I could rather do is to prevent victimizing my future-gen from going through all of these…. But would it really happen?

It may or may not, I am no one to judge the future, but at least I would do my share of it, a very minuscule & molecular effort to clean up the vast ocean spread across the universe.

Did I really make any sense out here, while I was on this post, however sullen I may feel about being a feeble pencil notation on the vast margins of this book of SOCIETY?

I leave it to you dear reader and would safely assume you prevailing sanity after reading this post to be the proof of sense derived out of this one! :-)

Rebelliously Non-Rebel

A story from one of my friends........said in my words......

Some people just don’t change. No matter how much ever one tries to knock some sense into their jammed head that comprises of a pea-sized brain which had stopped functioning effectively – god knows since when!

This very thing is applicable for X who has been insistently decided upon religiously following every other onlooker’s advises and paying heed to their remarks which are mostly negative and had tenaciously determined to being dragged along all directions in the sole pursuit of happiness. End result; a lot of money wasted, a lot of time wasted, a lot of energy resources wasted ensuing in nothing fruitful but for a series of maniacal and maddening wrangles with her two teenage daughters and her husband by raising trivial distinctions and objections leading to unsolvable quibbles. Then starts a series of sophomoric wailing by each of the ladies in the home demeaning themselves to an abysmal degree which includes calling out names subsequently followed by the disdainful suicidal threats and unsuccessful attempts; all of which adding more to the already gloomy disposition of the entire family!

X had always been the dependent one on other clan members, right from her childhood. She was just a kid then; when it all started, all those stealthy pampering and wooing she was doused with, by all her siblings and parents. She was barely 3 when she lost her father being the last of the 6 children their parents attributed to, it was not much of an impact on her as she was still enticed with all the goodies that she got from the rest of her family.

It was not the destiny that had it the way she is today, I strongly believe it’s their family that had her cast the way she was and still is. Left alone, she could have turned into a strong-like-stone and cold-as-ice woman rather then being dwindled across!

It’s not her mistake that she has turned out to be a pain-in-the-wrong-place for the very own clan members who once cajoled and spoiled her since her childhood. Little bit of a foresight could have been resourceful back then but it just did not strike any one when they were overwhelmed by her innocence and ignorance which they took to be puerile nature of a usual last born of large families.

But then things never changed drastically even after her marriage which came close to becoming a disaster more then twice already with in the first few years of their matrimonial entwining – All due to monetary issues, now that’s almost like global problem isn’t it?

X's husband lost his job soon after their marriage and post getting her pregnant twice for the two daughters they possess today. First it was the fight for getting pregnant, then it was for a male clan with the expectation as a symbol of reinforcement of an extended family tree for the generations to come and when it did not happen for the second time too, they had already had enough of it and had even gone to the extent of selling off their second baby girl in the disguise of adoption for a lump sum amount; pity the poverty stricken X.

When that did not happen due to the wistful interference of X's siblings, (thank god the girl remains intact with her parents till date!) they had to let go of any such absurdities in the name of bright-ideas to chase-out-poverty. Since then for nearly 24 long years her family had been supported by her siblings on all occasions ensuring that she didn’t miss anything that’s quintessential and mandatory need for successful running of the family-wheel.

Clothes, Books, Jewels, Currency and many more material needs were taken care of all these years by hook or crook, by tears or cheers, by blase or haste! At the end of every such episode she smiled teary eyed, and that’s just all her brothers and sisters wanted to see always in her, that happy and contented smile. She was nice, indeed very indebted to all those who helped her whenever she was in trouble (and trouble always chased her around like a shadow!) and that made her all the more nicer topping it to her predominant naïve-ness.

What surprises me till date is the tirelessness of X and the undying creativity of her husband. There were a variety of folk tales (mostly non-existent) her husband had consistently conjured up till date all of them reasoning a single moral; a successful married life lay in the hands of a woman, who must stand-up against all odds of financial, mental and other indescribable physical ailments and yet must come out in flying colors with a whopping victory, which X did with-out fail for all these twenty four years being a dutiful & devoted wife!

Somehow none of these had staunched X from loving her husband and being thankful to god for having gifted with such a wonderful heart that cares for her and for her well-being.

The embryonic hatred that had grown over the years in her daughters begged them to be different from their mom in all aspects, which both the kids did try to the best of their knowledge until very recently; when her first daughter fell prey to the so-called
Arranged-Marriage-Saga set-up by the relatives of a deprived parents, moved her slowly to start asking for essential things as take-away from home for starting-up a married life, which eventually turned out to be an ostentatious and unruly demands by the time the wedding bells rang this morning finally!!!

Something to be detested for life taught and recited many times over since childhood… “Do not depend on any one for anything!!”.. all turning into futile efforts; All that was to be hated and disliked have now been inherited directly from a mother, with in no time by a daughter, who was fighting to be a rebel and wished as a last thing to be like her mother, X– Reborn, I sighed and shut-off the thoughts……

Hard Habits!

There’s this guy that I know of for quite sometime now that constantly reminds me of an elderly person whom I know personally for a long time, probably, ever since I was conscious of relations.

Both of them are so dangerously identical that they both take no effort in bugging me, pissing me off relentlessly.

I maybe doing a wrong thing in writing this up making a fool out of myself when read by someone I know so damn well that they would easily make things out as to who I am referring to here.

But then what am I to do when I’ve got no one to crib to about this?

I remember someone not so old, but definitely wiser than I am, told me that a blog can come to one’s rescue as a handy tool for venting out frustration free of cost!

Although the purpose of writing, the degree of intensity in the content rendered, the objective of the umbrage intended in the context and the target audience for the verbal outrage and much more greatly varies from person to person and is purely a circumstantial one at it; the odds of it being true are purely factual.

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, make ones reasoning abilities more murky and inhibit the amount of clarity and clairvoyance one has, was again said by someone that I don’t even seem to remember….

With a little practice writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog says the other…unable to name the unnamed…..

Now coming back to the point, both these men that I am talking about here are extremely identical with not a shred of difference in continually failing to keeping up their promises.

Especially when I never ask for a promise and they choose to do it so voluntarily and finally end up making me look like a fool for having believed their yet another
make-believe story of a so-called “Promise”

It’s always better to know things at the first strike rather than making the other person assume, attach and associate good tags to your name and in the end let everything shatter into a mass of nothingness.

With expectations comes every damned disgruntle and displeasure that would blow up the entire conviction.

Knowing things before is always better than knowing them at the time of crisis – I keep repeating this to both the men, but, why …Why on earth would they pay heed to my words now, they haven’t trained doing it anytime before ?

Anyways so I decide that I’m too tired after countless repetitions of the same advices over and over again, several iterations of the same; greater than the repetitive occurrences. I shrug and I give up.

Work Vs Rating

It's always difficult to gauge things from the way they look like, for one, there is the clichéd “looks always deceive” factor and the other and most significant part of it being, there is a lot of room being left open to fit into that tiny space much suitably with sometimes ridiculous and mostly incredible things upon perceptions, premeditated convictions, conceptualization of things based on past experiences and/or views emanating from sordid philosophy.

Conversely, its oblivion though to what extent of truth is held in the context container, to help feed the hunger struck and needy bunch strayed across the space that always got the pessimist side of the container, frowning scornfully always to complain about the minimum or exhaustible contents held in the container.

Mulling over the same subject, I had this time a not-so-transitory thought fleeting across my mind which rings; Do those hopeless things which were the ceremonial farewell outcome of the innumerous insomniac nights spent jabbing away endlessly and overstretching the brains more than its elasticity could have allowed for, teach me something new? A lesson to learn from?

I was as good as dead, when I first heard it as it left me shattered and next to nothing.
Was that all to it, for so much of me and my semi-human cum zombie friend who used to take in all that I gave without protesting and heard all those swear words and curses patiently, yet helping me finish the job no matter however late it was!

----- Picked up from my diary.

This entry was made the same night after I got a 3 rating for the work I did in the year 2004-2005.

Loneliness....

I am fat, ugly, rounded and oversized. But does that make me a negative person? Hell, no!

It is a plague. It gets all over you before you realize it, and bang it’s already too late. You are completely drenched in it choking to get outa it, but there’s no way out; it’s like a panic room. Unless you know the pass code you just remain there locked up all your life till your senses fail you. With all doors blocked leaving the little chances of your getting out to the external world; You are boomed!

It starts off on a high-note. Takes you to a different plight altogether, a feeling that’s inexplicable, a feeling that’s heavenly, a feeling that secludes you from the outside world, a feeling that leaves you isolated and obsolete. It’s like a slow diffusing killer poison, however when it starts you are on a lofty pedestal soaring high superciliously having no bother about your direction, the red alerts you get inside your head are brushed aside and you keep elevating, the feeling is like that of a slow, long, silky, smooth and eternal drag of a cigar and when you are done your body loosens up, you feel dizzy, the world around you is on a whirl, your eyes see no more of the reality, they see no more of where you must actually belong, they keep egging on your dizziness to take you into a land of clandestine.

And then the ugly plague takes over, insomnia is your everlasting buddy, you seek no humans, you seek no living beings around you, the emotions that touched your life are farther away and you don’t feel the need of it anymore. And it’s not over yet!

You swell with bitter thoughts lingering all over your mind, there’s no escape, no matter how hard you push them away they keep coming back to you. Negativity then is just an understatement. You become a certified pessimist and get branded for the same. Sadism finds refuge in your heart, you welcome it with no second thoughts, perverse thoughts and insane ideas keep tugging at you to drag you on to their side, the more you kick them away they only jump a few feet away to get cloned more in number of their own clan and continue tugging at you from all directions.....

You are then susceptible to those condensed concoction of voluminous cynicism dripping over your head drenching you head-to-feet until you are soaked and contaminated with the contagious disease successfully.

Truth is even the most transient and avaricious stricture like your looks could kill the residual acumen enhancing your faculty of senses could get a different picture when you lock yourself up in a dark room void of electricity and try to justify that you are in a “DARK WORLD”!

I wish I could whisper into her ears “Snap out it sweetheart, before the monster strikes you to death!”

On an Orkut's Section.....

That very section on the Orkut's profile sounded very intriguing to me in some strange yet relatable manner. Umm....indeed it's even insightful over a couple of rereads on some of my friends profiles.... if you know what I mean! :-)

It need not necessarily match the person's real personality or attitude, for all you know it may just be a classy set of words scrambled-up together to give that check-it-out-dude kinda effect!

Having said that, it's not quite uncommon to see people writing at length of the things in their heart illustrating their real & current statuses of their lives in a public forum such as this, and that which is decidedly prone to be viewed by anyone and everyone around the world.

Consciously or not, clicks on that personal tab and couple of scrolls down the screen to get to that very section has become a kind of obsession so to speak. You probably aren't really upto anything here by checking that section out, nor do you want to make sure that the person isn't too swamped already in that area, yet it could just be that silly, moronic & juvenile instincts getting the better of your wisdom everytime and pushing you into it!

It rather amazes me if the founder of this site would have practically given so much of thought-process going into it, when the bulb-of-invention glowed above his head, pushing him about creating this small section on Orkut called "Things I learnt from my previous Relationships"