Monday, December 14, 2009

Vicious Cycle?

Holy Crap!!! I'm seeing it happen... right in front of my (damned) eyes!

This very annoying experience..... the same crappity-crap sense of feeling so low and pathetic happened to me 4 years ago and I am going through this utterly-bitterly thinggy yet again....

Ha Ha... God you are a G>E>N>I>O>U>S!! Love you dude... no matter how bad you treat me with your witty-mind games..... :)

There you go..... This is what happened!

I'm talking in cryptic code again but for a good reason, because a lot of grief stems from problems which are too raw to air publicly without hurting the people involved... Disclaimers apart... writing has been cathartic, theraupatic, invigorating, stimulating, exhilarating, rejuvenating etc al.

Someone once said that your writing should never turn into an extension of yourself, and I do have a strong (not a sneaking suspicion anymore) sensation that I have already broken that rule many times over. Whether I admit it or not, it has evolved into a sanctuary that I run to, like always and like now.

I don't want self-pity because it would only worry me more, making me feel very weak and more unwitting to even make a note about that here.

I would usually hesitate to put up such a self-indulgent writing but I think I'll cut myself some slack today. If at all at one point of time I am given any authority in life to wish for something:

"I would ask for a world without any counseling/advisory/mental rehabilitation centers."

On Web terms I wish I could permanently disable that functionality for the users.

I don't need castigation, or criticism, most certainly not "pity". Just my own space and time to collect my thoughts and get back on my feet. I know I cant be alone for long... I would definitely bounce back... and I want to be fresh off the boat (come out clean) the next time I do it!

These therapeutic, invigorating pieces of words that I splatter on my parchments gives an effusive feel of fulfillment of having broken a decipherable code.

And so I am rescued (am I?) at the lowest ebb of the whole week. I received a call just as I thought I am all set to crown a spectacularly mundane week that I took out of mothballs icing it with the most dullest Monday I've ever come across in the pallid blandness of my gibberish.

I could hear, very clearly only these lines over and over again, which were gonging loudly like the huge bell of a community prayer hall!

“Then” and

It was nice. Absolutely unbelievable and a pleasant experience.

Begging your pardon, I have a penchant for understatements.

Thanks for making my day, I spat out when I hung up and slammed shut my bedroom door to get back to my slumberland which had my life shown with bright colors and full of cheers.

(Full Stop!)