Sunday, September 26, 2010

Hard Bounce

Strange is the way of life!

Just when you don't want the most bothersome thing to happen in your life... "Bang" it lands with that sinister laugh and admonishing looks and threatening voice...
Just when you are seeking that peace in your life..comes something out of the way to curb your priced possession.

I realize after the new found enthusiasm and thrill wares off with time, it's again bouncing back to an infinite phase of boredom and sluggishness.

Being on the go or not being on the go, having an exciting job or not having one, being pregnant or not being pregnant, being so expectant or not being so expectant isn't really contributing anything more to this alluring and evasive maniac in disguise.

I haven't been able to figure out the real reason behind being depressed. It just happens. And it just doesn't leave you alone. The only possible time when you are out of it is the time it takes for a ping-pong ball to hit the ground and bounce back to your hand... In that short window you probably cannot have explored much of the outside world, and even if you did it just takes as much time for you to grow out of its taste and return to where you started...all over again!

It gets inexplicable at times and insanity prevails...

I try hard to remain calm, but fail at the same point every time ....most inadvertently.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Alternating between two extreme personalities has been the toughest competition to break through by far – at least for me!

It’s funny how these personalities know exactly when to swap roles with the other, on the right time at the right place. Now, I may or may not sound politically right here, but then who cares…since when sounding politically/logically/technically right had been an entry pass to the land of wicked weirdos?
It’s true that some mornings I wake to the noise of the water rushing through the small gulley pouring itself into the fresh 6X3 pit filling it slowly in the process, also taking with it the mushy mud that’s sliding from its sides...and then when I look up I see the sun shining happily at my face through the leaves of the apple tree under which the pit is formed. After days of retrospection I for nuts could never understand what it meant…it’s kind of one of those not so constant but a semi-recurring dream or nightmare that I have, in the end only to confuse me more about its possibly delirious insight or an emotional overwhelming message that has to be read between the lines [or the pit, the sunshine and the leaves of apple tree.] its like a cross word puzzle that can fit in more than one right answer both ways [Across and Up-down].
And on the other days I wake-up so happily with the sweetness of a lovely dream where I see myself totally pregnant with my little girl talking to me with her jabs and kicks from inside her womb and making me look no less than an oversized lawnmower trying to take one step at a time with a really unruly lawn to work on with my day-day activities! I glow. I shine. I spread the cheer with that bright and radiant, healthy beaming face of mine. Strangers ask about my due date. Folks at the mall check my well being. Dudes and Dudettes at the billing counter ask me if I need a hand in taking my bags to my car or if I needed some water or a drink. I feel like a divine being hopped in for a vacation on planet earth. Isn’t that a complete bliss? A wonderful feeling.
And then the next day, the swap-a-sode occurs. I mean, I get the other grossly confusing nightmare.
The obnoxious monster rearing its ugly head and venomous fangs is all set to strike at any moment, the preparedness and readiness of this marauder shackles the last nerve left in me to stand-up and fight.
Suddenly, a wave of blinding mist and fog blanks out everything and an unexpected lull falls beneath the mist upon my waiting eyes.
I rise and shine and glow…..Over to my little angel now.