Sunday, May 18, 2008

Work Vs Rating

It's always difficult to gauge things from the way they look like, for one, there is the clich├ęd “looks always deceive” factor and the other and most significant part of it being, there is a lot of room being left open to fit into that tiny space much suitably with sometimes ridiculous and mostly incredible things upon perceptions, premeditated convictions, conceptualization of things based on past experiences and/or views emanating from sordid philosophy.

Conversely, its oblivion though to what extent of truth is held in the context container, to help feed the hunger struck and needy bunch strayed across the space that always got the pessimist side of the container, frowning scornfully always to complain about the minimum or exhaustible contents held in the container.

Mulling over the same subject, I had this time a not-so-transitory thought fleeting across my mind which rings; Do those hopeless things which were the ceremonial farewell outcome of the innumerous insomniac nights spent jabbing away endlessly and overstretching the brains more than its elasticity could have allowed for, teach me something new? A lesson to learn from?

I was as good as dead, when I first heard it as it left me shattered and next to nothing.
Was that all to it, for so much of me and my semi-human cum zombie friend who used to take in all that I gave without protesting and heard all those swear words and curses patiently, yet helping me finish the job no matter however late it was!

----- Picked up from my diary.

This entry was made the same night after I got a 3 rating for the work I did in the year 2004-2005.

Loneliness....

I am fat, ugly, rounded and oversized. But does that make me a negative person? Hell, no!

It is a plague. It gets all over you before you realize it, and bang it’s already too late. You are completely drenched in it choking to get outa it, but there’s no way out; it’s like a panic room. Unless you know the pass code you just remain there locked up all your life till your senses fail you. With all doors blocked leaving the little chances of your getting out to the external world; You are boomed!

It starts off on a high-note. Takes you to a different plight altogether, a feeling that’s inexplicable, a feeling that’s heavenly, a feeling that secludes you from the outside world, a feeling that leaves you isolated and obsolete. It’s like a slow diffusing killer poison, however when it starts you are on a lofty pedestal soaring high superciliously having no bother about your direction, the red alerts you get inside your head are brushed aside and you keep elevating, the feeling is like that of a slow, long, silky, smooth and eternal drag of a cigar and when you are done your body loosens up, you feel dizzy, the world around you is on a whirl, your eyes see no more of the reality, they see no more of where you must actually belong, they keep egging on your dizziness to take you into a land of clandestine.

And then the ugly plague takes over, insomnia is your everlasting buddy, you seek no humans, you seek no living beings around you, the emotions that touched your life are farther away and you don’t feel the need of it anymore. And it’s not over yet!

You swell with bitter thoughts lingering all over your mind, there’s no escape, no matter how hard you push them away they keep coming back to you. Negativity then is just an understatement. You become a certified pessimist and get branded for the same. Sadism finds refuge in your heart, you welcome it with no second thoughts, perverse thoughts and insane ideas keep tugging at you to drag you on to their side, the more you kick them away they only jump a few feet away to get cloned more in number of their own clan and continue tugging at you from all directions.....

You are then susceptible to those condensed concoction of voluminous cynicism dripping over your head drenching you head-to-feet until you are soaked and contaminated with the contagious disease successfully.


Truth is even the most transient and avaricious stricture like your looks could kill the residual acumen enhancing your faculty of senses could get a different picture when you lock yourself up in a dark room void of electricity and try to justify that you are in a “DARK WORLD”!

I wish I could whisper into her ears “Snap out it sweetheart, before the monster strikes you to death!”

Saturday, May 17, 2008

On an Orkut's Section.....

That very section on the Orkut's profile sounded very intriguing to me in some strange yet relatable manner. Umm....indeed it's even insightful over a couple of rereads on some of my friends profiles.... if you know what I mean! :-)

It need not necessarily match the person's real personality or attitude, for all you know it may just be a classy set of words scrambled-up together to give that check-it-out-dude kinda effect!

Having said that, it's not quite uncommon to see people writing at length of the things in their heart illustrating their real & current statuses of their lives in a public forum such as this, and that which is decidedly prone to be viewed by anyone and everyone around the world.

Consciously or not, clicks on that personal tab and couple of scrolls down the screen to get to that very section has become a kind of obsession so to speak. You probably aren't really upto anything here by checking that section out, nor do you want to make sure that the person isn't too swamped already in that area, yet it could just be that silly, moronic & juvenile instincts getting the better of your wisdom everytime and pushing you into it!

It rather amazes me if the founder of this site would have practically given so much of thought-process going into it, when the bulb-of-invention glowed above his head, pushing him about creating this small section on Orkut called "Things I learnt from my previous Relationships"