Monday, August 20, 2007

Over the Weekend...

You are hurt and you have none of your friends around to console you.

You just met with an accident and your deep bruises and wounds are still raw.

You are hit with flu, fever and dry cough and your lungs are tired of the excessive strain laid on them due to non-stop coughing.

You have just found a new home and you have to shift before Monday.

You are in the process of shifting and its raining like mad!

You are tired and worn-out when your ex-landlords try to sound as mean as they can be with returning the rent-deposit or advance however you may wish to call it.

So much more on the same lines, but no better than experiencing it than writing it!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Chat Conversation!

A Chat Conversation on Intranet Exchange Messaging Service:
(To the uninitiated:- The only privilege that software companies offer in the name of entertainment to talk to folks of the same firm)

She: What are you doing?

He: Working...

She: :S:S:S... What joke a??

He: No, I am serious..If I dont work I will be sacked!

She: thu! I didnt mean that!!

He: then...what?

She: I meant, why didn't you ping me since morning?

He (doh, no, not again!): oh... that..well...err... I was stuck in a team meeting since morning.

She: Dont Lie!! I saw your status was not even shown as away! You were very much at ur desk!

He(thinking fast): oh, is that so, know what? of late everyone's been complaining abt the same thing! That I am shown online all the time... Tht's like even after I am out of office. something must be wrong with the messenger pa..

She (thoughtfully): oh is that so? Hmm... Na kuda nee yennamo yenna avoid panriyonnu nenechen!
(Translation: I thought maybe you were avoiding me!)

He(with a sigh of relief) : cha-cha, why will I do that da?

She(a little embarrassed): Um.. seri seri, poi velaya paru!
(Translation: Um...ok ok, go and do your work)

He (Adhathana di senjittu irrunden): ???!!!!!

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

An (SQL c)ode to DM, With Love!

SQL*Plus: Release - Production on Tue Aug 5 16:17:26 2007
Copyright (c) 1982, 2002, Oracle Corporation. All rights reserved.
Connected to:
Oracle Database 10g Enterprise Edition Release - 64bit Production
With the Partitioning, OLAP and Data Mining options.

SQL*Plus: Release - Production on Tue Aug 5 16:17:26 2007

Copyright (c) 1982, 2002, Oracle Corporation. All rights reserved.

Connected to:
Oracle Database 10g Enterprise Edition Release - 64bit Production
With the Partitioning, OLAP and Data Mining options

Generate the following stored procedure.

SQL> Somehow I wasn’t up to it.
It’s not that I was prepared for it or that I wasn’t expecting it.
But it felt remotely weird, and kind of disconnected.
Believe me; it was like that for just a fraction of a second.
The next moment, I was taken aback with a shock of having felt a live wire.
Suddenly as if the gripping spell had been released I felt the screaming silence flow inside my pitch black mind which was already foggy and totally unready for any more mugging by then. So I gave up thinking hard to strain the millions of nerves that ran across the grey cells connecting each other in a peculiar fashion to instruct and perceive sensory audio-visual orders.
I snapped it off right there.

I was looking at her face and it shone beautifully yet strangely in that dim lit living room of hers.

“So……” said she.

“Hmm… So….” Said I.

“Yedavadhu sollu Saloni” she said finally after a long pause.

“Yenna sollradhunu theriyala” I said staring at the small cobwebs that had formed at the corner where the fridge stood with its back against the wall face glaring at me.

Both of us let out a helpless laugh making sure not to look into each others eyes in the process as it might definitely lead to instant and unmistakable tear-flow; which both of us wanted to avoid. After all being 25 and working in the software industry for more than 3 years gave us that stamina I guess.

Generate Command:

Rollback complete.

[One day, One hour, One minute and fifty one seconds ago:]

Exceute the following Stored Procedure:


“Wow, you don’t seem to have put on even an iota from what I saw you 5 months ago” chirped I cheerfully looking at DM in front of that dingy super market.

She had come down to India for a measly fortnights’ vacation that her office had generously offered her with. Nevertheless, I must consider myself to be lucky that I was very much available and was able to meet and spend some time with her, so no complaints there pal!

As usual and as always is the case with me, whenever I got to spend valuable time with my family/friends, my work always interjects, objects and oppresses me and leaves me totally anchored to my seat in front of the maddening 14” monitor, having to wait for the overseas dawn and wish my onsite a pleasant morning and present the updates for the day and run-away hastily cringing and cribbing at the 1&1/2 hours time difference that’s more of an agony almost all the time of course except for those times that I enjoyed these myself when I was living in CST for nearly half-an-year.

Anyways, that very day DM was traveling back to U.S to resume work and I had decided that I would catch-up with her as much as I can and was able to make it only by 7pm when she was to head towards airport by 10.30pm.

The next day was her birthday, what a sick thing it’s got to be to travel all the 22hours of your birthday. Hey DM, no offense meant. But that thought just sent in an upchuck movement in my insides. Again, maybe only one in a million gets such a chance… to be on a flight the entire day, 25 years after you were born, in a very optimistic sense.

Yes, off with those stupid sms wishers, phone call wishers, email wishers, egreeting wishers, bouquet wishers, orkut/blog wishers, lunch/breakfast/dinner wishers and what not’s?!

For once, Just for once…. You don’t have to strain your mouth saying “Thank You” or your fingers typing “Thanks for your wishes” Or take people on “Lunch Treats” get spattered with the cake all over your face and get your bums swollen with the sweet-birthday-bums you would be gifted by your roommates and best friends, most importantly, For once, nor do you have to keep that plastic smile all day long as though you are a mannequin in a cloths’ boutique; just coz its your freaking birthday. Why don’t people get a life and give the world a break, a break from the menacing routine that has gotten to levels of sickeningly nauseating and irksome. Although there might be many who would counter argue stating that you get to have the world’s probably longest birthday ever; thanks to the time zones!

I envy you DM. Truly, Sincerely and Honestly. I wish I get to have such a birthday far, far away from everyone I - know, want, love, like and every other thing that is there to it.

I wanted to talk a lot to you when I met you here in India after a long time. But I have no clue at all as to what the heck went wrong with my vocal chords for they remained rolled and twisted, and in loss for words most of the time; So much UNLIKE me!

I wouldn’t have believed this from anyone about me keeping mum, but as I remember every inch of our meeting; I believe its not my alter-ago or any supernatural double or duplicate of mine that met you instead of me.

I missed her terribly; I wanted to talk to her loads. We were sitting right next to each other. There was no-one who would stop us from talking to each other. There was no-one who would don’t talk so much to DM, nor would DM mind if I spoke so much after all she had known me for 10years now. Albeit all these and many more to add I just couldn’t break the unidentifiable ice berg that had formulated between us unknowingly.

PL/SQL completed successfully.

Generate Command:-
SQL> Commit;
Commit complete.

“Seri, Appo na Kelambaren da… Unakku yedavadhu venumna sollu”, I got up from my seat.

“Illa, Salo onnum perusa illa pack panna, Na mudichitten. Nane onnu onna poi chips-gips nu vangittu vandhuttu irrukken kalaila irundhu. So I am done.”

I gave her the card and a small gift that I had bought for her and shook her hand wishing her a happy birthday.

Then I waved at her, with tears trembling to fall from the edge of my eyes, I turned away instantly and got my bike to life and fled as fast as I could from that place.

Generate Stored Procedure:
SQL> Miss You, very much DM!

Generate Command:
SQL> commit;
Commit complete.

Generate Command:

SQL> Exit;

Friday, August 3, 2007

AO without AC

Two days ago when my dad had called up to inform us about the most awaited and happiest of the news that almost all of us in the family were eagerly expecting to hear for nearly 5 months now, we were all elated, no less, and wanted to get on to the party mode right away. Well, after all it’s the news of my father’s last promotion in his career of 35 long years as an earnest employee of the Tamil Nadu government. Now, that definitely deserves a party doesn’t it?

As it’s quite obvious my mom was inquiring details about the receipt of the promotional offer at my dad’s office and his joining date and his roles and responsibilities as the “Accounts Officer and Financial Adviser” to the Government of Tamil Nadu, XYZ department. Let’s keep it that way for all politically right and not-so-right purposes, which are also tangentially not so right to be disclosed here when it’s highly uncalled for.

So the excited mum of mine, was on phone talking to my dad with her voice getting all so choky and tears threatening to pour-out any second now in the next 60 seconds time, all in the name of happiness and a contended one at that!

As was believed by the entire family, my dad and I were experts in changing the topic in a very sweet, unnoticeable manner to render the pleasant-mood at times like this, where people are at the peak of their emotions.

It was my dad’s turn this time around as he was one that was on phone with my mom, so he started off saying that, “One good thing about getting the promotion of AO (Account’s Officer) from DAO (Deputy Accounts Officer) is that I don’t get to have the AC anymore. It’s been taken away finally. Now, I am in the separate AO’s room all for myself.”

At that as shrewd as she always is, my mom said, “What? What kind of stupidity is this? Never have I heard about such arrogance of taking away the Air Conditioner for a person who has been promoted to a senior role?”

In a poignant voice, my dad replied “Yes, but this is government order and I cannot go against it, there’s nothing that can be done now. Who knows? Maybe since I am going to be retired in another year’s time they thought they should probably give away the AC to someone who’s much younger and much more deserving”

My mom went red at that and she yelled “What on earth has gone wrong with you? The whole world says you are the best and here you are claiming that you don’t deserve a goddamned A.C, and that too a one that was with you already, not caring a least about the same being snatched away from you now, when you have actually been promoted to the most honorable and highest position in your sector!”

She couldn’t quite get the grips of it, when my dad finally laughed out loud and said.
“Dear lady, When I said AC, it’s not the Air Conditioner, but it’s the Additional Charge. When I was a Deputy Accounts Officer, I given an AC (Additional Charge of playing an “Account’s Officers” role). Now, that I am an Accounts Officer myself, there’s no more A.C (Additional Charge), and that is why I said it’s been taken away.

It then took a lot of time for me and my brother to console my mother who usually is not very sportive with those sweet-little-pranks being played on her is a different story altogether!


My present mood is Grrrrr..........