Thursday, September 15, 2005

The Demon in You

When you start thinking more about what your needs are in life… it is true that you really go blank in finding the answer to that most important question of your life…
I am sure there would be a hell lot of people who would voice my opinion on this although I am not even a wee bit sure as to whether there would really be one who would actually be able to accept it - Being a classical hypocrite one wouldn’t want to do so.
Well, exceptional cases are a rarity to be found on a normal state of affairs.
I call it the Disaster-of-the-Demon in you………

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you.Hmmmm…true! Confused is what they are – how to shoo-away the fiend inside your head? Most of all you look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, cos you are doing one of the shittiest performances at it not deliberately but cos of your mood-swings or cos you have a frame of mind-set and you wouldn’t want to budge no-matter-what or maybe you are looking for a change of job and realize that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you, so you just want to give-up on everything and curl-up under your bedcovers and lay there forever without any disturbance!At times you feel your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life sometimes with a fear that maybe you wouldn’t be gaining the same force & strength the next time you try!
So much for being a certified paranoid mastering the world of obsessive fright – but this time round I would dare say such is not life! – Damn you – This isn’t at all can make up to one’s life – If life is what one chooses to call his being in this universe as……Sometimes, you feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better or get that someone know you better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad you make a promise to yourself that you wouldn’t hurt yourself or the your loved one either! But invariably you find yourself breaking the same promise everyday N number of times that frustrate you and add more to your insanity and you plead temporary insanity at the least. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out....
God No ---- I dont - never want this anytime in life again - not after going through all this...A run-down on life lately such as above is pure insanity - at its full blast & perfect blend.....

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Cataclysmic Manifestation

The odds of using them in the bonafide world are astronomically tiny
To all those geeky, non-geeky,hip,non-hip,posh,not-so-posh heads out there... thou shall not be misled by the hues and cries of the malicious mob trying to entwine your brain cells with frenzied prattle or their hysterical jabbering about the pros and cons & don’t knock your self out....

Life sucks with a mobile phone where in u gotta pay 600 bloody bucks for absolutely nothing but in the name of so called ******* PLAN charges and TAX !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then what the *#$%^&* do I save on ????

How the hell am I to make my bill come with in 800 bloody bucks??
This is getting worse than the most ridiculous thing that can ever get to happen to someone
Ppl say I gain a lot using this so called mobile connection…. hell !!!!!!what am I gaining nothing but unidentified & unknown & ununderstandable charges to be paid in bulk every month like bonded-slavery without a word of explanation about it !
Damn !
I earn..i spend…is okay!!!!!!!!

But spend without enjoying the happiness of spending is too much to bear…I don’t call up my dear ones I don’t use my cell for outgoing calls … still I get so much to pay is tooooooooo very much !!!!!


Never been good at writing a poem and that too about love of all the things in the world!!!

Spare me if its pathetic which am sure it is....

Once you have loved, you will always love
Because love grooms your whole self,
Into an entirely new person
From what you were before
When you are in love you get possessive
When you are in love you get selfish
When you realize your love is not fruitful
When you learn that your love cannot be reciprocated
When you find out that your love is not going to work out for you
And when you see that your love is taking you no where
It is then that you the feel pain of love
Though you know very well what is to be done
To get yourself out of this pain
Your heart will not listen to your mind
And to know that the one you loved
Cannot love you, but loves someone else
Shatters your heart into pieces
You are at a fix
You neither want to feel bad
Nor can you feel good about it
Yet you cant stop yourself from loving the person
No matter what for love is love – Period!
Its silly to expect someone to fall out of love,
As it never happens so..Love stays – Active or Dormant!
But still lives though – Forever!


Never-Ever did I think that life’s got so many different dimensions to it and with time you welcome it or not each dimension took their turn in playing their role picture perfect with out sparing you at anytime, anywhere.

I am sure that wouldn’t have made much sense as complex & complicated as I can always be with my words, making it all the more decipherable to the ones that have a decent level of patience to go through this all so-hazy and “oh-i-am-here-to-provide-some-gyaan” stuff of mine !

Thanks to you for going on with an expectation of some change, if not today, some day at the least!

Guess not much have changed with the way I write though, yet quite a lot of thought has been put up on the different dimensions of life that I mentioned of.

Yes, true that time changes human kind.

It is very true that with time, space and a bit of extra energy to put up a frequently updated chart on things to do & things not to do … a lot of things differ from what it was before and what it is now …

People change is the bottom line.

Do people change for good or bad is not the question, as it is left to the individuals desire fully to choose what they want to possess as they grow up ahead in their life from no one to someone.

And for sure, there’ll be a time when the someone will have to be the ONE - looked upon by everyone and that day, when you take sometime of yours to review the past that was committed to your memory(if u had chose to commit!) then that would make you the master of wisdom. that would in turn mean that you have learnt,lost,missed,achieved,won,smiled,cried,seen pleasure,experienced misery…and what not?

Time is the best HEALER
Time is also the best TEACHER
Time is the best MEDICINE

Time is again your worst enemy

But make sure u play along with the TIME so that you don’t let it lead you and you remain a loser!
Be the best enemy of Time!
Challenge the time – Make sure you win all the time!!

Time must be under your control, when u let the vice versa happen – decide that you are the loser for sure and STOP trying even – cos it’s of no use anymore as you’ve lost the game already!

Monday, September 5, 2005

Frustration at its Peak!

I was wondering what was happening to me on that not-so-rainy but so-very-breezy evening when I was at the best of my mood swings.
I was very irritable at that moment and as a result of which I could sense my inane habit of throwing and dropping things that come my way or things my hands could lay on was going a bit overboard!

And all the more evasively people had to end-up doing a stretch therapy with my already long-enough legs.
It was so intimidating that day for me when I realized that nothing I tried to do was fruitful since the day had dawned in with the all-so-favorite room mate of mine blowing out her horns to declare the already known painful fact which woke me up from my otherwise extended sleep – POWER CUT!

I Said “oh ye?..thanks for the reassurance im still into my senses to look & feel!”

She walked away with a dejected face.
Well that’s a routine to her by now, with her highly illogical declarations of matter-of-factly things and giving out exaggerated explanations to trivial things.

It feels so sick that people are so idiotic at times that they get u on your nerves with their highly moronic behavior and the more sardonic u are to them the more cacophonic they make your life with their idiosyncrasy!

Feeling already blissful for the day I gather myself up from the bed to freshen up and proceed to the rest room only to figure that there is not even an ounce of water left in the buckets or the slimmest of water droplet sticking to the mouth-of-the-tap.
Highly pissed…at this scenario where I am to go to the loo peacefully to regain my sleep which was on hold due to the jerky wake caused by my wonderful roomy!

Cursing her under my breath I went down to switch on the motor groggily and was startled totally with my eyes fixed upon the switch and mouth gaped open with utter shock…..

THE SWITCH WAS ON BUT THERE WAS NO “GRRRR” SOUND COMING OUT OF THE GODDAMNED MOTOR – which means POWER CUTTTTTTTT it was now that the strong effect of power cut had registered on my mind bellowing the bare fact of what my irritating roommate declared so loudly sometime ago!

“Shit man!!!!!!” – I thought… Well it really was a shitty state of affair as it is when I am just out of bed and lots of u-know-what’s are to be done with my rest-room and lots of water….

Now, this is not fair…What the heck am I to do ????

With all my anger I came storming up to my room with nothing prospective or useful to do, with the hope of snoozing-off again…
On my way, I kicked something very hard… with all the blur and grumpiness running faster than the blood running into my veins…I looked back to see what I shoved away to the invisible goal post with all my early-morning-anger-driven-energy…and there it was shattered into pieces of uncountable or unidentifiable fragments….tittering pathetically for the strong wind ( which was blowing outside with full force now as if to welcome my current achievement) was the pair of rim-less, glass-less, frame of my goody-goody roommate’s spectacles!!

Holy shitttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How can I do that…shit….i go up to the mess and pick it up and start scrutinizing the frame with what’s left over of it…

She’s upstairs talking to her friend over phone…when she comes back I am to be killed…
Gracious god… show some mercy on me… All my grogginess has been wiped out cleanly now with an intense terror seeping inside my heart with a sinking pain…how can I do this to was a Sunday and the village we lived in did not promote such exclusive ideas like keeping the optical shop open on public holidays like that of Sundays!
And she cannot live with out her glasses…

The last thing I ever wanted to do to my favorite roomy who always cared for me was to damage her 3rd and 4th eyes!

Damn… so ricocheting on what can be done best to cover-up the damage done I was back on my bed with thoughts….and within no time I was into deep sleep, slashing & gashing and garrulously yelling at the dementors who came out of nowhere in the Forbidden forest where I am walking with Harry and his hippogriff as we are just about to take off to see Albus Dumbledore who’s actually not dead but is alive in the cave where Lord Voldemort’s horcrux was found !

I wake-up sweating all over and feeling fatigue having had an exhausting encounter with the dementors and also winning harry’s heart in the process being the best fighter in women – better than Hermione …No-No! Better than that damsel Harry’s in love with what’s her goddamned name I say – oh yeh…. Miss Ginny Weasley! – BB !!!!!

So much for a bad day……huh-oh…gotta be cheesing up my sweetie-pie roomy whose glasses I smashed!

Hmmm…GoD sAvE mE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When Someone said "watch out on how much you work...."

The Clock ticks away to glory everyday only to suggest that i am growing old with days and my time's running out in this vast space, leaving me with another day short of not-achieving what i wanted to or leaving me with a day's time...

Anyways this picture above caught my attention somehow just to tell me that sometimes, you work your ass out under psyched up situations where you're already running short of your deadline dates on ur processes, so with butterflies and snakes taking in different shapes in ur stomach u sit-up for long, slog and give your best only to figure out that u havent achieved even 10% of what you could have achieved on a normal day under normal circumstances with 0% pressure nailing you down with heavy boulders on your shoulders...

Well..although as opposed to what's written on the calendar you work giving ur 60-70% on each day, believe me in the end...its gonna prove you nothing great!
No big deal.. as its the same shit every day....

A tap here and a tip there and you are the bigshot of the higher level management - the cream crowd.. and a very polished way of putting across even the shittiest thing under the sun - that's the right identification of the Mgmt lot!

They manage well or they do a big mess-up doesnt matter at all...but in the end they get their things done somehow by deligating things, routing the work thru' different channels of communications, either by tact or by sheer threat...

well for those lots, that dwell deep down at the peasant level who slog n slog and does nothing but coding and debugging...its always like "hey u outthere..u do this code n wind-up with all done cleanly n u get this loaf of bread !" ....there he goes the loyal bread winner of the level1 family...

Hmm...inevitable isnt it?

Quite true...that's ok...dudes but my suggestion is whatever u do stick to the calender above so that you do justice to urself and ur boss...

Try to strike balance between ur life and ur work's dude!

Ticking still with time n growing old...

the oldy and philly me....

signing off...

Doubts in my "Native Language" - Part I

1. Why is a fool called Vennai?
He neither is capable of producing butter nor does he own a butter factory – then where does the English translated word butter fit into this scenario of a foolish guy being called as “vennai”

2. Why is a person who speaks in English called “peter” ?
Neither did a man called peter introduce english amidst tamil population, nor was peter the father of English. So why this name based discrimination?

3. Why is flirting termed as Kadalai?
Neither does flirting produce pea-nuts nor do people eating lots of pea-nuts tend to flirt..then why kadalai?

4. Why are good looking girls called kattai ?
Neither do they have a figure/shape of a wooden stick.. nor do they emerge from wood. Then where did kattai come from?

5. Why is money termed as dhuddu?
I am sorry I can’t make out any references for this word being used as replacement for “kasu” which should actually be used…. If anyone can explain will be happy.

6. Why is a big shot called as pisthu ?
Neither does he produce pista nor does he own a pista factory..then why?
I also wondered was it coined from ppsssst – like ppl who make you go "pppssst" (a phonetic used to represent the highly pissed of state) are called pisthu’s or what?