Wednesday, September 15, 2004

I am a poet and i didnt know....

We were friends of life
Friends of good times and bad
You were the one that I
Liked the most,
Treasured the most,
And of course trusted the most too…
Days spent with u were the
Most cherished memories of my life…
Felt proud being your friend …

With every small favor that u did
Only my debts were incremented
With the strength of our friendship
Growing more I really envied you with
The way u cared and understood me
In every possible way and stood by me
When I needed u the most …

But never did I think that it was all a
Preview for something drastic to
Show up in the future leaving me out
In the deep misery and melancholy

Things were always fine and pure
As long as the expectations from each
Other remained the same for sure.
Soon the equilibrium was lost
With one extra bit of selfishness
And uncertainty started the gruesome things
That would shatter the delicate bowl of friendship.

At first I didn’t know how to react
Because I wasn’t prepared to loose you
And the thought made me feel weak
As it meant losing all my strength saved up
In our friendship till date…

With thoughts debating with each other
I ran past a number of sleepless nights
Thinking of a solution to end the misery
I realized I wasn’t in love
But u were…
Nevertheless I needed our friendship
Because u were one of those true kinds

And I believed I could change you
Change u the way I changed u before
In making u fall in love with me
I thought I would change you again..
But this time ……
In making u forget the love u have for
Me and get it over with and
Come to me one fine day and tell me
“ I promise you today that
You are just my Best friend now…
And I wish we stayed this way
Pure and harmless all our life… And
Thanks for changing me into what I was before!”

Days passed and I saw myself losing
Cos u didn’t want to change this time
You were stuck with the first change that
Induced the love in you…
And I was helpless..
I was getting uncomfortable
You were my best friend..
But I was not just your best friend …
We were not on the same levels
That disturbed me a lot
I wanted a way out
Tried out all I can
But u weren’t ready for the change
That I wanted from you..

I was getting scared
I was feeling bad
I didn’t want to see my best friend
Struggle or feel bad this way
I could sense what u feel
And I couldn’t do anything about it…

I failed in changing you…

I failed…in making u understand
That I wasn’t okay with you…
Wasn’t okay with your head filled
With me and my thoughts

I willed and wished to be your Best friend
Nothing more and nothing less too
But when I figured I couldn’t
Do anything to change you..
I felt bad…

I didn’t have a choice but to

Go away…

Walk-away with out a word…

But sensed that it would take
A lot from me to do it !

So I decide that
And talk to you…
First sarcasm filled the air striking remarks then followed
Grins turned into dubious eyebrows,
I knew I was giving u a hard time
I didn’t find any other way out
And I let the arguments begin! Time passed by... now more withonly acquiring the habit we have begun. Though the longer the mockery was, the harder it was revealing each other's identity.
Because neither u nor I was ready to give up
On what we had on our minds…
And ironically I was still hoping by some magic
I would end up finding the real "you."
The “You” - As you used to be before…

Is that an off beam expectation?
Unfortunately, there's just too many sarcasm from me, and barely little of the real u...
Powerless…I asked if this would change, God told me "yes—it would" Deciding that nature will take its place I set aside my worries and decided
To proceed with my life
And wanted you to do the same.
While in my mind, I knowthere's a boundary keeping us apart.
(Which I didn’t want to be there…
As it never was long ago
When we were just good friends..)

With things coming to a formal
Ending I still wonder…
Will our friendship ever be at ease? In my mind – I still remain..I hope..
And I pray
For the change that I wished for!

Composed by,
I, Me and Myself

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