Sunday, February 10, 2008

Highly (Dis)connected!

More often that not, you wish you had a better neighbor than what you’ve got, every time you travel in the local bus or train.
Well, one of my recent train journeys turned out to be a complete disaster.
I was traveling from station X to station Y for a friend’s over the weekend and that’s like an hour and a half of travel time in the local train. Hmm, it took quite some time though to settle in and expect a marginally decent co-passenger who could contribute, much less, to be a decent human being if not a perfect company! But no, my dear Mr. Fate decides that I ought to have a tough time before I get my ticket to the “48-hours-of-absolute-happiness” at my best friend’s place.

So I get into the silver train all excited looking forward to experience one of the most cherished times over the weekend. I walked through the cars to find one with much lesser people so that I can take a seat all for myself, sink-in deep into it and be lost in my own world of thoughts. And lucky me, I got what I wanted at the end of the 3rd car, so with a low whistle and a happy trot I almost jumped into my seat, threw by backpack next to me and rested my feet on the opposite seat enjoying every second of the cushion-treatment that my cold feet were taking-in. It was pretty cold outside with the snow-fall getting severe from the time it had started this afternoon.

Oh boy! This is gonna be terrible cold…I almost thought aloud and then immediately switched off the worry-mode & decided to get into my world of happiness, world where I saw plush green gardens with children swinging and playing sesame’s and hide & seek’s and merry-go-round’s. I love imagining those happy looking faces of kids ranging from age 1-10. It’s a lovely sight to look at those innocent, sweet, plain and simple, clean n clear like crystal, honest and unbelievably cute looking faces that I have come across in my life at every other place that I’ve been to during my stay & travel till date. I love babies, I love especially girl babies, they constantly remind me of worldly embodiment of GOD rather GODDESS that is quintessential to extend happiness around, I must say!

You just keep looking at them, being blissful and nonchalant, merry and spreading the aura of positive energy all over the place. No doubt, it’s a beautiful creation of the almighty sitting up there and doing all this magic with a flick of his fingers or maybe a brush with which he paints such adorable creations on planet earth.

Just when I was thinking about the god’s boon of babies to the world of mothers, I was instantly interrupted by my bane with a loud thud next to me, letting me take a couple of extra seconds to reel from the shock of what had led, to lose the connection with my world of goddesses.
So, with that sudden detachment, I open my eyes to see a heavy set woman, an Indian, who had dumped her hand baggage right on top of my bag. Whoa!!! That bag of hers was so damn huge, must be some 75pounds or so and I gingerly watched the scene of my lay’s chips getting crushed to pieces and the super-soft yummy coconut pastry that I had prepared specially for my friend getting flattened as a steam ironed cotton shirt!

I am a show woman, (if at all there exists a word of that sort and whatever that was supposed to mean), oh yeah, that is what I am and wherever I went the spotlight just follows me like mad! Uh.. I am so sick of this fame and fan following… if you know what I mean…Ha Ha Ha Ha!

She bellowed with her whole body bobbing in an up & down motion in synchronization with the huge quaver in the name of laughter that she just let out. Now, That’s just not the end of it, to add more to my irritation this lady was even ejecting gas spasmodically from her stomach through the mouth intermittently which was beating out-n-out all those disgusting belch’s anyone would let out, with out even excusing themselves or caring even the least bit about it in a public place, And THAT completely turned me off!

Upon 3 more minutes of incongruent mad ranting of hers I figured that she’s a theatre actress in one of the renowned local theatres of the city and that she has got one of the biggest fan clubs in the foreign countries as against all her rivals/counterparts of the same community.

On a commemorative note, her fan club members residing across the country have decided to sculpt her figure (I bet; a scary one at that) into a decorative sandstone statue with a tint of beige and pink combination to add more gloss and a “Signature” finish to the lucrative idea of her so-called fans! And this was decided to be to be kept on display in the Arts and Science Museum of the City (I wanted to blast out “FOR WHAT???!!!..YOU ARE SUCH A MISFIT TO BE AN ART AND A DEFINITE FLAW IN SCIENCE”). Paying least attention to the grave, highly disinterested expression on my face, she went on “Natural sandstone finish adds more to the appeal of the artifacts, that too with that pinkish-beige combination which is definitely the most prominent and unique feature to make my idol stand-out!”

BOASTING, BOASTING and BOASTING – The very thing which brings in that usual upchuck feeling in my stomach was brought about with wave of disgust filling through my mind like stream of water flowing down those sand gulley’s formed during rainy days
She didn’t seem to get even an ounce of what was happening to me, or my lack of interest or my contorted facial expression due to her unstoppable jabbering for nearly a quarter to an hour now!

I was lost in thought of how shallow could a person be, when I was taken aback by a strange noise of water being splashed and strained through a small nozzle of a huge container and then settled a bit when I realized that she was producing that strange sound from her mouth which was now filled with water.

She wasn’t gargling the water, nor was she trying to gulp it down, but it was something intermediate that she was doing which caused that most irritable noise that got me back to the reality with this monster of a lady sitting next to me.

With the time ticking away, her nuisance was blowing-out-of-proportion and that got me on my nerves.

I slowly turned my head to face her side profile strained against the window pane with those uncanny noises she was still managing to produce through her mouth and nostrils post-gulping the water. I guess she would have caught my eye in the reflection that danced on the glass pane, so she suddenly stopped that noise and cleared her throat with a loud ear blaring“ahennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-gaheeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn” of a sound and looked at me with a wide smile…. “This”……..she pointed to her mouth and continued uninterrupted paying no heed to my disapproving head-shake “is what my fitness expert has advised me to do as many times as I can in a day to keep my cheeks from tottering & cause the skin around it to sag prematurely. It’s a thrilling exercise, you know, it’s too much fun more so with those interesting sounds…. HA HA HA HA HA!”

I, who was holding-up for long with my pent-up anger with this monster of a lady, realizing it’s really not worth it anymore….said
“Zip-up that motor-mouth of yours will you? Just SHUT-UP… Not a single word more…..What on earth do I care about who you are and what you do? And why should I be enduring your cantankerous sneaking into my private world of thoughts since the time you settled your big-fat-bottom comfortably next to me? Can’t you understand that the whole world is glaring at you with complete abomination for all those god-forbidden nonsensical & ridiculous noises you have been composing? No-one’s enjoying it Lady; to hell with your fan-club…..who are they? … them to me! Right now.. I’ll tell them how sick you can get while travelling in public…. A senseless, manner-less, irrational, unfounded female does not for her life-time deserve a sand-stone statue of hers to be spoiling the sanctity of the museum, for who knows even that would let out such inexorable “Signature” noises of yours!... Now don’t you ever dare to travel next time in a train like this!!!”

Having said that in a mad fit of anger, I took my bag and walked off the car noisily to get down for my station had arrived in all this commotion with my friend waving at me gleefully from outside.

I got down all smiles from the train, trying to ward-off the sick experience that probably would have made me shrink even if it was a nightmare; which it was not!

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