Hi……
I know I can’t imagine myself to be this way…but then I really don’t know ..rather didn’t know that this would ever happen…..The missing part !
Every time I said you are wasting your time, energy and money unnecessarily…I guess I was so right cos maybe if you had given it a thought back then…I (we) wouldn’t have ended up missing you(each other) this way…hey but I’m not blaming you or anything here…but it’s like….you know…gets pretty difficult for me to cope up now..at least 8hrs a day you work…I’m totally idle..Doing nothing…& nothing at all…but feel bad and recoil...the past & miss the fun filled days we had.....
Hmm it’s like, how do I say…I am not very sure I found the rights words to describe what I am going through… I maybe wrong here in making the best choice of the words…but I am sure you would know what I mean…coz, I literally grew-up with you. I spent the prime years of my life with you, the time that every human needs to define themselves, to identify themselves, the time that makes you feel that you belong to a certain specific group, where in you are being liked for the person that you are….
And it was always you, who helped me shape-up my life better… you were like my diary….every day I “bla bla bla” to you about what I had been through the day, my likes and dislikes, my positives and negatives, my little fetishes and my absolute turnoffs, cribs, gripes, concerns and “what-not’s” and then you were there….Always!
You were the best listener I’ve got so far…As far as I cud remember I never let u speak fully, properly, clearly as in from the beginning to the end with a formal opening note and a conclusionary one…I always (Still do!) had this bad-bad habit of cutting in between when you are about to say something and start yapping away to glory until I run short of stories or I’m drained out of energy…and during all those time you have never complained…not even close to that..Thinking back, realization strikes about the way I’ve been….I know…I feel ashamed to admit it, yet the fact remains that I’ve been so selfish about doing all the talking and letting play the part of being just a listener and also a mute one at that …and u didn’t even mention it as a smallest concern to me…..Why?
I know it probably sounds stupid or silly maybe and I am sure, I shouldn’t be saying this…but still I really wonder what is it that really impressed you about me…coz…honestly I’m not as generous you are..…as helpful as you are..as kind hearted as you are …as open minded as you are and of course, not the least, as brainy as you are ! And I damn sure know that you wouldn’t buy any of these statements…
I feel like crying, even with it, I realize the teardrops trickling down my cheeks involuntarily when I say all this..I really don’t know why..I never thought missing people would still be one of my weakness’s in life…but looks like it still exits and it would go on and on…I feel I’m not so ready to make good friends with strangers……as for me…I just want to save up the few precious ones that’s left with me…..don’t want to add new ones and eventually lose out on the old ones…NO…I don’t want that to happen…I don’t want the time factor to curb all my valued relationships with the people I really care for !
As much as you miss me I do too…I really wanted to meet you and talk to you and all that in person..but then the essence of stipulation was also to be thought of in deciding on the most sanest option….anyways if I am very sorry if I had hurt you in manner...I really didn’t meant to do so…but I was just trying in not letting you to spend an extra buck on me with your stiff financial state or an extra hour on me which only adds more to the mounting frustration that must have been build up during the years.
As I see it today, You have done a lot to me already....and I really am in debt !I don’t know how I am going to negate at least 50% of what you’ve done so far.......and that is the main reason I miss you all the more....coz I feel I’m totally dependent on you sometimes...though I constantly keep reminding myself I shouldn’t be so...
Hope you won't forget me with time & years to follow…. I am not sure if I would be able to take it, to know that you have forgotten me!
Missing You Terribly…..
Ever Yours,
XXX
Monday, February 9, 2009
Easy Living?
What can you suggest as a simple solution to an easy living??
Easy living? What’s easy living....what kind of living is easy on this earth?
You want people to talk to you...but sometimes you don’t want them to talk to you and would like to be left alone all by yourself?!
You want people to spend some valuable time with you...but when they actually come down to spend some good time with you...You are no more interested or you are just-about over and done with your time-out session.
So where or how the hell does it seem easy ?
It’s fucking complicated all over...and you are not a perfect soul to turn everything into gold and make miracles happen at the click of your fingers or with the flick of your illusionary-magical-wand; oh come on! Give it a break…. This aint any fantasy drama!
Often, when you are down to the core, drenched with frustration and even more of them surfacing newly like those pearls of water particles dripping from the end-ringlets of your freshly showered hair…You think, think and rethink... All you can figure-out is that....At the end of it all.....You can’t crib , You can’t complain...nor can you run down in the dumps seeking solace....because you are just one of those cheap-attention-seeking-social-animal; being keenly watched upon by many bunches of never closing eyes...who are always ready to pounce on you with their caustic comments or witty wisecracks making you the clown of the crowd and then you have a so called fucking status, a grade to maintain, and not-to-mention a self-esteem not worth a penny to uphold for, so you just stay there all smiles being splashed away with sugarcoated, subtle remarks often doused with a paroxysm of sarcasm!
yeah, yeah sure......why not....after stomping well enough on all your emotions and feelings which forms the fulcrum of your life...You can sure as-hell do so much more to maintain all the external extravaganza that would add more value to your communal crap life !
Well, what’s my botheration after all, I being the I, that I am, for the past 26 years now…I am not REALLY used to keeping quiet…I am used to making a lot of noise… A lot more of noise when things aren’t going the way it actually is supposed to…the noise turning into a racket or tantrum all the more possibly when there isn’t a positive response for my yelling!
Yeah… Yelling and Screaming and making a lot of noise is my way of taking out my anger….. Do you have a problem with that dude? I don’t care if you do… Coz, if you did, you are free to go screw yourself royally or otherwise!
...Speaking of facts, once can’t really be saying such things or gesturing about with the renowned finger all the times; it certainly cannot be considered sophisticated when we are to deal (clean-up?!) the fruit-smelling-pleasant-looking load of high-class erudite and cultured shit.
I only cringe at being left at such a situation where in I can’t utter the most needed, most apt word, ya obviously for known reasons of the kind of people one is forced to deal with....and I find myself at such kind of fixation...and am helpless to retrieve myself and get back to the normal mode….coz, “Cringing is bad for health, It’s probably worse than caffeine, and you don’t even know!” - Habitually, both my palms go right up to shut my ears as tight as they could from these warning bells of the inner me!
I'll tell u....as long as something’s clean and clear....it would be valued...anything ambiguous is a disheveled mass of junk…A piece of cat-crap beautifully sitting on the fresh plate of your dining table on your breakfast, on a brilliantly bright morning!
Awwww!!!! Someone said “TAKE IT EASY”..........Nothings EASY dude!!!!
Nothing’s ever a piece of cake, it’s always a piece of shit that you always chase around and wipe it clean to get the small-buck lying beneath it. And hey, look are you trying to tell me that's coined as "hard-work"????
Every darn thing has its own goddamned complexity to drive people crazy or get them out of their senses, all of a sudden!
Now, who can help if your taste runs down to chrome and plastic...and forget the essence of actual deal behind this lucrative business?
Well, to me chrome and plastic means – materials… being materialistic isn’t a very bad thing to do as all of us for some strange reason are happy only through material means, good food, good clothes & good shelter… one of those or two of those…sometimes even all of those…!
And talking about business, why yes of course, Life is a business….if it possesses all the busyness that would keep it going….why not??
Ya...........IF it gets to that....I WUD MAKE SURE TO PAY MY SHARE!
A probable bait for the EASY-LIVING fish that I am looking out for?
Easy living? What’s easy living....what kind of living is easy on this earth?
You want people to talk to you...but sometimes you don’t want them to talk to you and would like to be left alone all by yourself?!
You want people to spend some valuable time with you...but when they actually come down to spend some good time with you...You are no more interested or you are just-about over and done with your time-out session.
So where or how the hell does it seem easy ?
It’s fucking complicated all over...and you are not a perfect soul to turn everything into gold and make miracles happen at the click of your fingers or with the flick of your illusionary-magical-wand; oh come on! Give it a break…. This aint any fantasy drama!
Often, when you are down to the core, drenched with frustration and even more of them surfacing newly like those pearls of water particles dripping from the end-ringlets of your freshly showered hair…You think, think and rethink... All you can figure-out is that....At the end of it all.....You can’t crib , You can’t complain...nor can you run down in the dumps seeking solace....because you are just one of those cheap-attention-seeking-social-animal; being keenly watched upon by many bunches of never closing eyes...who are always ready to pounce on you with their caustic comments or witty wisecracks making you the clown of the crowd and then you have a so called fucking status, a grade to maintain, and not-to-mention a self-esteem not worth a penny to uphold for, so you just stay there all smiles being splashed away with sugarcoated, subtle remarks often doused with a paroxysm of sarcasm!
yeah, yeah sure......why not....after stomping well enough on all your emotions and feelings which forms the fulcrum of your life...You can sure as-hell do so much more to maintain all the external extravaganza that would add more value to your communal crap life !
Well, what’s my botheration after all, I being the I, that I am, for the past 26 years now…I am not REALLY used to keeping quiet…I am used to making a lot of noise… A lot more of noise when things aren’t going the way it actually is supposed to…the noise turning into a racket or tantrum all the more possibly when there isn’t a positive response for my yelling!
Yeah… Yelling and Screaming and making a lot of noise is my way of taking out my anger….. Do you have a problem with that dude? I don’t care if you do… Coz, if you did, you are free to go screw yourself royally or otherwise!
...Speaking of facts, once can’t really be saying such things or gesturing about with the renowned finger all the times; it certainly cannot be considered sophisticated when we are to deal (clean-up?!) the fruit-smelling-pleasant-looking load of high-class erudite and cultured shit.
I only cringe at being left at such a situation where in I can’t utter the most needed, most apt word, ya obviously for known reasons of the kind of people one is forced to deal with....and I find myself at such kind of fixation...and am helpless to retrieve myself and get back to the normal mode….coz, “Cringing is bad for health, It’s probably worse than caffeine, and you don’t even know!” - Habitually, both my palms go right up to shut my ears as tight as they could from these warning bells of the inner me!
I'll tell u....as long as something’s clean and clear....it would be valued...anything ambiguous is a disheveled mass of junk…A piece of cat-crap beautifully sitting on the fresh plate of your dining table on your breakfast, on a brilliantly bright morning!
Awwww!!!! Someone said “TAKE IT EASY”..........Nothings EASY dude!!!!
Nothing’s ever a piece of cake, it’s always a piece of shit that you always chase around and wipe it clean to get the small-buck lying beneath it. And hey, look are you trying to tell me that's coined as "hard-work"????
Every darn thing has its own goddamned complexity to drive people crazy or get them out of their senses, all of a sudden!
Now, who can help if your taste runs down to chrome and plastic...and forget the essence of actual deal behind this lucrative business?
Well, to me chrome and plastic means – materials… being materialistic isn’t a very bad thing to do as all of us for some strange reason are happy only through material means, good food, good clothes & good shelter… one of those or two of those…sometimes even all of those…!
And talking about business, why yes of course, Life is a business….if it possesses all the busyness that would keep it going….why not??
Ya...........IF it gets to that....I WUD MAKE SURE TO PAY MY SHARE!
A probable bait for the EASY-LIVING fish that I am looking out for?
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