Monday, February 9, 2009

Missing Someone

I know I can’t imagine myself to be this way…but then I really don’t know ..rather didn’t know that this would ever happen…..The missing part !
Every time I said you are wasting your time, energy and money unnecessarily…I guess I was so right cos maybe if you had given it a thought back then…I (we) wouldn’t have ended up missing you(each other) this way…hey but I’m not blaming you or anything here…but it’s like….you know…gets pretty difficult for me to cope up least 8hrs a day you work…I’m totally idle..Doing nothing…& nothing at all…but feel bad and recoil...the past & miss the fun filled days we had.....

Hmm it’s like, how do I say…I am not very sure I found the rights words to describe what I am going through… I maybe wrong here in making the best choice of the words…but I am sure you would know what I mean…coz, I literally grew-up with you. I spent the prime years of my life with you, the time that every human needs to define themselves, to identify themselves, the time that makes you feel that you belong to a certain specific group, where in you are being liked for the person that you are….

And it was always you, who helped me shape-up my life better… you were like my diary….every day I “bla bla bla” to you about what I had been through the day, my likes and dislikes, my positives and negatives, my little fetishes and my absolute turnoffs, cribs, gripes, concerns and “what-not’s” and then you were there….Always!

You were the best listener I’ve got so far…As far as I cud remember I never let u speak fully, properly, clearly as in from the beginning to the end with a formal opening note and a conclusionary one…I always (Still do!) had this bad-bad habit of cutting in between when you are about to say something and start yapping away to glory until I run short of stories or I’m drained out of energy…and during all those time you have never complained…not even close to that..Thinking back, realization strikes about the way I’ve been….I know…I feel ashamed to admit it, yet the fact remains that I’ve been so selfish about doing all the talking and letting play the part of being just a listener and also a mute one at that …and u didn’t even mention it as a smallest concern to me…..Why?

I know it probably sounds stupid or silly maybe and I am sure, I shouldn’t be saying this…but still I really wonder what is it that really impressed you about me…coz…honestly I’m not as generous you are..…as helpful as you kind hearted as you are …as open minded as you are and of course, not the least, as brainy as you are ! And I damn sure know that you wouldn’t buy any of these statements…

I feel like crying, even with it, I realize the teardrops trickling down my cheeks involuntarily when I say all this..I really don’t know why..I never thought missing people would still be one of my weakness’s in life…but looks like it still exits and it would go on and on…I feel I’m not so ready to make good friends with strangers……as for me…I just want to save up the few precious ones that’s left with me…..don’t want to add new ones and eventually lose out on the old ones…NO…I don’t want that to happen…I don’t want the time factor to curb all my valued relationships with the people I really care for !

As much as you miss me I do too…I really wanted to meet you and talk to you and all that in person..but then the essence of stipulation was also to be thought of in deciding on the most sanest option….anyways if I am very sorry if I had hurt you in manner...I really didn’t meant to do so…but I was just trying in not letting you to spend an extra buck on me with your stiff financial state or an extra hour on me which only adds more to the mounting frustration that must have been build up during the years.

As I see it today, You have done a lot to me already....and I really am in debt !I don’t know how I am going to negate at least 50% of what you’ve done so far.......and that is the main reason I miss you all the more....coz I feel I’m totally dependent on you sometimes...though I constantly keep reminding myself I shouldn’t be so...
Hope you won't forget me with time & years to follow…. I am not sure if I would be able to take it, to know that you have forgotten me!
Missing You Terribly…..
Ever Yours,

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