This is my second mail on display ever since i landed in the "Cultural Capital of Maharashra" almost 1 and a half months back ....
Life here: is just "OK" nothing more to add to it !
Climate: is chilly in the nights and sultry in the afternoons.
People: Are nice but unfortunately speak only "MARATHI"
Language Spoken: Marathi and Hindi (Obviously i am Zero at both !)
Office hours: 9am - 5.30,6.30,7.30,9.30pm (so far)
Food available: Land of VadaPav,Roti - sabjis and chawal - dhal
People here are always relaxed and too causal about things....
Nothing much to look forward to...its not a happening place ...rather we are not in the "happening" part of the city maybe to put it in more clearer terms..
Anyways life goes on....Sleep..Eat...Office...Home.....Eat...Sleep ...and the cycle goes on...
I am in a morbid state oflate...trip to chennai was a ticket to witness the life's most gruesome natural calamity - Tsunami & Tremors !
What a way to welcome my first home coming ..... Ha Ha
Life is a mess as it is...all these can only add more to the already morose status of my life....
Sometimes it feels like theres nothing to life except for mere breathing - in and breathing- out endlessly ...pointlessly ..Heading towards no-where ...EVERY dusk and dawn!
A mobile -phone, An incoming Call, An SMS, An outgoing call ... Makes absolutely no sense to me....
People get upset cos they DONT get a call...
People get upset cos they GOT a call
People get upset cos they DONT get an SMS....
What a silly life it is to except the useless things and get bogged down cos of those silly things not happening ...........
But Such is life......As i always say....Few things are better left UNSAID or rather UNEXPLAINED..
Class is on..
Signing off
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
First Day First Show !
IT was AWESOME !!!
Bunch of 32 of us ...with a 50% - 50% ratio is pretty rare and so we are being called as a "Special Batch"...
Hope and Pray....
Thats all for now...
Hope things go on well atleast from now on....
.........
TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN:
Thanks again to everyone and everything that made this possible for me....
signing off...
Bunch of 32 of us ...with a 50% - 50% ratio is pretty rare and so we are being called as a "Special Batch"...
Cos girls are generally less in number...in all the batches it is in this batch tht we 'v got equal no. of guys and girls....
Godd Enuff and a tough competition as well, as almost all the brains here have landed straight frm the campuses of IIT's,BITS, REC's,NIT's and PSG's.....
Hmm.....Will see what god's kept in store for me in here.....
Hope and Pray....
Thats all for now...
Hope things go on well atleast from now on....
.........
TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN:
Thanks again to everyone and everything that made this possible for me....
signing off...
Thursday, November 4, 2004
Ego Problems(with the Egos)
We would never change!
Both U and ME
This is basically because we donot want to give up on what we think,what we know,what we decide and what we do.Having done things its not an easy task to back-track and re-iterate them to get a better result.Reasons could be manyfold,but the basic and major one could be as u pointed out the 3 lettered big word E.G.O.
Both U and ME
This is basically because we donot want to give up on what we think,what we know,what we decide and what we do.Having done things its not an easy task to back-track and re-iterate them to get a better result.Reasons could be manyfold,but the basic and major one could be as u pointed out the 3 lettered big word E.G.O.
Which according to me is an acronym for the following....
Exceptionally Generous Obsession (EGO) - with and about oneself.
To each to their own...very true in that case there is no need for advice-seeking or counselling during the periods of probs and tribulations.
one-two-one-two-one two ...hand wash system..quick wash is the best sought after washing technique today....and i guess this applies to not just CLOTHES but to the PEOPLE too :D:D
Instant staining and Quick washing ....
when the former refers to the friendships/relationships made as fast as the click of the fingers latter is the proof of its credibility,durability and elasticity and in terms of PL its called the scope of the code...which unfortunately in most cases seem to be very short.
My washing machine's teaching me a lot of lessons lately,its technique which as per the manufacturer is "A Sixth Sense Technology - Whitest White Clean"
It senses the errors automatically as its been programmed to do so and tells the operator what the problem is...like the water filled in is not sufficient or the outlet pipe is not alligned to ground level or its overloaded or the detergent added is less so on and so forth...Quite an extended bit of luxury to the already lazy crowd...but its good that theres no verbatim or physical damage involved even if the operator does some mistakes....it just quietly displays the error on the digital screen and prompts the user in a soft way as to what should be done next ..
see now it beeped in to tell me that i havent filled in enuff water....that makes things very very simple dont u think?! letting out the needs and expectations for the work to be done would resolve a lot of egoistic disputes and mental games....
Clear cut approach from both sides :-)
India is as usual putting up a poor show at the 4th test match as well,even after successfully losing the series and the cup they dont seem to be facing any threat to their unshakable & unfathomable attitude of "We loose to everyone with out any partiallity"
Anyways kumble just took a wicket at this very second of me writing this shameful words about my own home country........
Hmm...what to do??
Good...my machine finished washing the second load of clothes successfully for the day...My snowwwwyyyy bestest !!!!!!!! :-)
I did "namakaranam" to my washing machine this morning and decided to call it as "snowy"....Brick bat'ters and Sound spit'ters are requested to maintain distance...
so where was i ?
ya...One of the oldest truth is that "Truth Hurts" ..i used to wonder if that was why it was called as truth just bcos it always hurts...yet another story of which came first the egg or the chick !
It is as true as this oldest truth that ...Truth when tried to kept at a distance or covered-up for self-convenience gives just the opposite result !
The more u runaway from truth the more it confronts u wherever u go...well for once if u start persuing it or atleast do a decent try i guess it quickly learns its boundaries and stays there with out blocking your way in life with things..
I cannot be more clearer than that cos i am as much confused a character as u think u r !
So donot ask for more explanations and get a truck load of lies in return...
The truth has its original value only when its uttered once...u repeat a truth a million times it becomes a lie in the end...
Running away from truth for once makes u repeat the same every time ur confronted with the same eventually u turn out to be a fugitive much less a convict or a sinner.
So there again u choose....to be what u r and the result is likewise.
Obviously if u donot make any conscious efforts to be recognised as a PERSON with so & so feelings and emotions and sentiments there will be no reference to the same to your name apparently because only a proper input can give an equally legible output...
As simple as that...
Theorem:EVERY COMPLEX PROBLEM HAS A SIMPLE SOLUTION!
Sample Values:Though we might have come across this theorem a lot of times in life when it comes to practical application of the same to our problems we go mind-blank or Brain-dead !
Which is bcos of the pressure exerted upon us during the problem times that our normal thought processing is disturbed and deviated a lot from its actual orbit and so theres a jingle-mingle of things
Proof: To prove this theorem we seek the help of Yoga Advisory Board which at the time of our stress and pressure instructs us to - "Do pranayamam" which is nothing but the preliminary,Basic Breathing exercise.
Sit on the floor & if not floor on ur chair but make sure that u Sit Erect,Take a deep Breath....then inhale O2 and exhale CO2 for half-a-dozen times.
That would let the fresh oxygen to surge through your brain cells and would eventually invoke all ur dead/inactive/sleeping cells and wud make u think about the entire problem from the beginning till the end step-by-step and thus u get to figure the exact point where things started going wrong or where it went wrong...so now u know the solution is simple !
Hence the theorem that "EVERY COMPLEX PROBLEM HAS A SIMPLE SOLUTION" is proved to be true with all the assumptions and sample values remaining true.
I donot know where to place it,but it definitely needs a place to be put in to, so that it gets its right identification...but the use of identification remains unworthy as long as the right person fails to acknowledge or overlooks its presence in the end leading things to a mere "time-wasting-tactic"
But thats not something new to human life...more than half the things that i did all my life were left unnoticed or unacknowledged or simply forgotten although acknowledged.
And come to think of it, its boring to feel bad for the same reasons all thru the life so i tend to get over the "Small- disappointments"....saying that tiny things are better to be left as tiny as they are, instead of, beating the drums and wasting all the useful energy over it trying to attain a simple recognition.
One good word makes a lot of difference to things to Anyone and I am no exception!
I have no co-ordination between my brain and my mouth is the latest comment that i got about myself...could be very true.... but its better to be that way instead of laying all that u really have on ur mind in a bottle with an air tight cork and rest it in a corner of ur mind...so that when the actual time comes u can make the best of its use in puncturing the other persons self-esteem !
well what could be best other than finding an outlet to drain all ur flaws & shortcomings?
find a channel - Anger
fine tune it to get the exact signal - outpour of words
Pure satisfaction at the result of having successfully upset the other person's mood !
Way to go !
Let the great work continue all over the world so that all gets to feel the chip on their shoulders.
And so Bitterness continues...
Monday, November 1, 2004
train and rain continues...
Well and so at the end of the centrifuge effect i was thrown out of the train in the middle of the fresh-laid tracks adjacent to the rails that were left unused for reasons that are unknown to me.
Ahead of me was a 1km walk on the railway track with the heavy down fall at a merciless speed making it all the more difficult to trace a bearable path with the poor visibility...
So i walk...with the heaviness of my black bag and my huge leather jacket dragging me backwards with every forward step that i managed to take....eventually was cursing myself to have chosen to DARE !
well im too bored today to write more...
Im drowsy..sleepy....tired and sick
:-( :-(
Ahead of me was a 1km walk on the railway track with the heavy down fall at a merciless speed making it all the more difficult to trace a bearable path with the poor visibility...
So i walk...with the heaviness of my black bag and my huge leather jacket dragging me backwards with every forward step that i managed to take....eventually was cursing myself to have chosen to DARE !
well im too bored today to write more...
Im drowsy..sleepy....tired and sick
:-( :-(
Thursday, October 28, 2004
The Train Journey
It’s Raining here so madly today (yes, madly I say cause it wasn’t a rain of the normal sort) as if to imply that, the Rain-God however, had decided to let go of his longstanding anger on being so mean to us -- and so he goes splashing and drenching frenziedly, every nook and corner of the oven-baked Land stretches and the sun-tanned terraces of the multi-storied buildings that distinctively stand proof for the overtly populated, ever – buzzing and westernized proviso of this once traditionally enriched and culturally enhanced metropolitan mega-city of mine – The Chennai.
Rainy days are definitely a feel good factor and a welcome change for us, who are, always open to the chastisements of sizzling and searing Universal God of Light – The Sun!
Eventually taking sometime to roll back to the past reminds me of an almost adventurous rainy day experience that I had five years ago!
It was 1999 mid-October and yet again not-so-surprisingly it was pouring down so hard and heavy (I bet hailstones included which I probably didn’t take much time to notice) just to add more to my most renowned and exemplary late-start to the railway station to catch my “Guindy-Tambaram” 7.20a.m Electric Train. I was doing a half-run and half-jog journey across the 100ft road to reach the sub-way and find my way thru’ the tunnel that was crammed with office-goers, college-goers, school-goers, market-goers and business-seekers all heaped up under the single roof of a lengthy stretch in vain tries to be saved from getting sodden by the heavy down pour.
The same sub-way which used to look like a creepy under ground place for all sorts of illegal (business) dealings on all those sunny afternoons was unbelievably over populated with a strong stench of unwashed socks of the school kids huddled towards the corner of the narrow passage-way peppered with the reek of moisture, sweat, unwashed clothes, unwashed bodies and what not’s?!
It was 7.13 already and I was still at the threshold of the sub-way and I had a long way to go, though buying a ticket wasn’t a problem because I had my train-pass with me, so that process at least was a time-saver!
In the menacing crowd that was unsuspectingly manhandling me from all four directions in their desperate measures to find room in the constricted space available, I was trawling to find my way out of this deadliest trap with quick-glances at my digital sports watch once in 15 seconds and even quicker prayers coming out of my mouth naturally at the time of crisis such as this to get into the 7.20 unit & even hoping to empty my last minute ditch effort at that as long as it serves the purpose in the end to find me in my train!!
Slowly trudging my way through the messy mass I was getting restless....and suddenly like a gust of wind from nowhere with a quick-push from a group of ladies behind me I was shoved towards the egress of the eternal sub-way!
At the first rush of the fresh air, I thanked the almighty for letting me survive the Tunnel-Effect Syndrome!
But then that definitely was not all there was to it!
Well in fact it wasn’t even half of what it took to make this incident a wholesome adventure as I called it before!
Now comes the most intriguing part where I am to choose between two options: Either taking the long route of walking another furlong surpassing the heavy road-side traffic or to do a high-jump across a 4 and a half feet high wall amidst all the unknown and unauthorized bushes and shrubs and not to mention with a nostril-flaring thick odor of the fluid-downloads done (at morning, noon and night) by our fellow humans in and around the area. For once, being lightweight and athletic did help me in a real-time situation such as this, to go in for the high-jump option, which almost none of the girls who travel by the same transport media as that of mine fail to choose. After having achieved a successful time-saving tactic, I look at my mega sized sports watch to make sure that its still working having lived quite a strong hit against the half demolished side parapet wall.
Thanks to god the watch is intact!
Defiant as always as I am to my mother’s advise right from rising early from my bed in the mornings to starting out early to reach the railway station in time, as usual it was cringe time to hurriedly recoil all the advises of 'amma' while maintaining a fast gait across the railway gate towards the steps to my platform, I must appreciate myself at managing a prayer cum time-check all at once…oh gosh! It showed 7.23. I split into a quick run down the steps now praying that I don’t end up
falling-down face first stepping in a slippery pool of idle waters formed at both ends of every step due to the mad-rain fall…in the past how many ever hours it had been raining for…but thanks to my Reeboks it was very much firm to give me all the grip that I needed to do a safe-landing.
Guess I was too young back then to have managed such a remarkable speed.
Therefore I reach my platform, and let out a sigh of relief at the notice of my usual train-mates. A couple of college girls, a vegetable-vendor and a 40yr old lady who works for the “Tambaram” sub-registrar's office.
It was that dainty lady who first acknowledged my last minute inclusion in the prolonged wait for the train and ensured me with a soft pat on my shoulder that I haven’t missed it and that the train is delayed due to the wash-out of the tracks at the basin-bridge.
Now…Another creep begins to unveil its face slowly when it was not even 2 minutes since I felt happy at having kept up the time before the train reached the station.
It was “Will I be able to reach my college on time; which is at 8.30 am?”
And it takes 1hr to reach Tambaram especially.... when it’s raining like this.... it would take a quarter more extra to reach Tambaram from where I am to walk again for about 10 minutes to reach my destination!
And I immediately skip into a mental arithmetic of approximate arrival time of my train at Tambaram from 7.27am which was what my watch displayed at that point.
I was damned sure to be late for a minimum of at the least 10 minutes to at the max GOD KNOWS!
Anyways gathering some more energy to withstand the loud and disgraceful barks of my college gate keeper and instructor and the stifled ridicule of my own
class-mates as a topping to everything that I had gone through for the past half an hour or so made me emulate a shiver followed by the real one that was due to chillness of the climate and my wet dress.
In utter distaste at the mental picture of being ridiculed and yelled at, I feel a sudden urge to hop down the railway crossing and get back to home and produce a leave letter the next day at college saying that I was sick with fever or had a bad stomach pain that kept me immobile.
But then that again was an even more irritating procedure, as I must produce a prescription to the college authorities so as to make them believe that I wasn’t being dishonest about my fever. Hell with that. At least going late stopped with few warnings and a minor ridiculing. Consequently, I decide going to college somehow as a much better and a saner option.
With in the next 10 minutes the train comes puffing and gasping, with maximum possible number of passengers foot boarding and clinging to the windows of every compartment from the first to the last as fast as a buffalo walking in the rain.
My instinct tells me not to get into this train but as I have no other go if I loose this train…My gut warns me again at least, not this compartment; My usual one. The ladies compartment. But who dares wins, I tell myself - It's going to be crowded only for the next few stations to come but after Airport it’s going to be all right, so I decide to dare.
As fast as I can manage, I push across the trampling, squashing, tumbling bunch of ladies fighting with their full force, yelling on top of their voices to find a place inside…I take pride in spotting just the right spot on that compartment - just near the entrance, but not too near. I let myself into the two straps of my legendary black bag and rest my back with a semi-cushion effect that my bag gave my back resting atop the partition between two sitting enclosures. The next station comes even before I could start feeling comfortable with the convenient place that I found for myself.
So I feel all the more happy…thinking after all this isn’t as bad as it looked a few minutes before. Just then from the station by which the train had just stopped emerged a crowd of ladies that I never imagined could fit in 5 compartments of the train. A female with a hefty built and an unfriendly appearance with a funny face skewed in the process of chewing what looked like a truck load of tobacco grumbled and cursed at the new faces in the compartment for snatching her private little place (the one facing the entrance where my bag and in turn by back was rested upon) that according to all virtual non-existent rule books belonged to her…and showed her full-frustration at placing a huge jute basket full of vegetables on my right foot. Apparently, that took me few minutes to gather my strength to react to the acute pain on my right foot, as a result of the mercy bestowed upon by the hefty-lady!
I tell her she had conveniently rested the basket on my foot and she retorts back asking
“Vera yenga vechhi tholayaradhu?? Ingadhan moochu vidakuda yedam illye?”
[Meaning:“where the hell am I to put it then? There is no place here to breathe even!”]
Hurriedly without wanting to hear another verbatim to be blurted out from the dear lady I keep my big-mouth shut and indulge in the process of slowly releasing my foot from underneath the heavy vegetable-basket inch by inch.
In what looks like a few decades, the train reaches the next station. To me it only means more crowd. But the hefty lady some how managed to shove in a few lean & wiry girls who work for the leather company next to airport and got herself some place to stand by me comfortably, looking down she pushed the basket towards herself and said
“Romba valikuda papa? Vera edamey illayema na yenna panrathu ?”
[Meaning: “does your feet pain real bad? What am I to do dear there was no place around”]
I was taken by total surprise, at her sudden concern about my hurt foot and beamed at her with an assurance that I am perfectly ok and that it didn’t hurt much when in fact it did hurt very badly with a numb-some pain that I was going through I couldn’t actually gauge the depth of the damage done to my poor little tail ender toes.
Having received my endorsement about the state of my hurt leg, she switched on to her ranting again about the new crowds during rainy times giving the usual passengers a big time trouble because of lack of space and about her morbid profit rate at selling these vegetables on a heavy–set day such as this and what wud she do if the rain continues this way spoiling the meager money that she was making.
Although I nodded, I was wondering what a world it is…we wish, pray, chant, do Pooja’s and perform Yagnya’s wishing for rain but here we are when the rain decides to drench us as an answer to all the Pooja’s and Yagnya’s carried out in favor of the same, We LAMENT & CRIB about it.
Just another perfect example to the fact, that, Life is always a mishmash of ironies and paradoxes.
A sudden jerk of the train brought about with the blow its whistle got me back to the practical world where I found the lady next to me grinning and saying
“yenna papa na sollradhu sari dhaney?”
[Meaning “what dear, don’t u think I am right?”]
Well apparently I didn’t know what she was referring to as I had lost myself in my thoughts about rain and its consequences.
So I manage with a grin in return and a nod, which made her feel, pleased and kept her happy at that.
With that blow of the whistle, I was expecting the next station to approach very soon.
Unfortunately which never happened for the next 15 minutes, and I was getting restless, at last when inquired, I was told that the train was waiting for the clearance and it seemed like the dangling half-dead signal had totally broken down last night as a result of the wind blowing at some hundred and odd kmph.
Very Insightful – I think – and feel pissed off!
After what seemed like hours (Actually 15 or so minutes) we got the manual clearance from the station guard who was late for the day (because of the mad-rain...Ha Ha) and had no knowledge about the knocked down signal, got threats for being reported to his higher authorities for failing in his duties by few of the furious passengers.
Having done all that the train got back to life again and my heart was pounding and racing more than the speed of the train because as for now I was already running late for about 20 minutes and I had 1 more station to go.
The rain hadn’t slowed down all the while and amidst all the pushing and pulling and hodge-podge of the crowd there were shouts and screams of missing and broken umbrellas….
Thankfully I was wearing a jacket so wasn’t running the risk of losing one or breaking one.
And the train stops abruptly; definitely meaning it’s not the station where I was supposed to get down and did not move an inch for the next 20 minutes.
By now I definitely was undergoing a repetitive stress injury because of the excessive load on my shoulders as a result of my the trekking bag stuffed with my engineering drafter, Chart pipe, books, lunch, water bottle and other college essentials. I was holding on to the central pole at the entrance as if my life depended on it. Actually it did!
The train starts moving (just after my feet go numb and I can feel a 'spring' in them) only to stop midway, a few yards from where it had started to move. Another twenty minutes in the middle of nowhere. I try to perfect my transcendental patience practice. It just doesn't work. I give up. Every inch of my body either aches or feels funny. I feel absolutely hopeless.
And then it was time to get another announcement --- Due to some engine choke-out we were told that the train wouldn’t move any further and that we were to go by walk for about 1 km to reach the last station, which was also my destination – Destination Tambaram!
How did I know that something as worse as this was waiting for me in this train journey making my gut feeling come true that I got at the first look of this train propelling itself as slow as it could to reach my boarding point?
Nothing worse than being a skeptic, I tell myself…. Too ghostly I say! I start thinking about who said, "Thank God I'm an atheist." And I find no answer to that so I give up. I surpass.
Now, all I can do is eagerly wait for the moment I'll be pushed down by the raging and growling crowd jostling me all over and put me back to square one to trudge my way to my destination once again – just the way it had all started !
Rainy days are definitely a feel good factor and a welcome change for us, who are, always open to the chastisements of sizzling and searing Universal God of Light – The Sun!
Eventually taking sometime to roll back to the past reminds me of an almost adventurous rainy day experience that I had five years ago!
It was 1999 mid-October and yet again not-so-surprisingly it was pouring down so hard and heavy (I bet hailstones included which I probably didn’t take much time to notice) just to add more to my most renowned and exemplary late-start to the railway station to catch my “Guindy-Tambaram” 7.20a.m Electric Train. I was doing a half-run and half-jog journey across the 100ft road to reach the sub-way and find my way thru’ the tunnel that was crammed with office-goers, college-goers, school-goers, market-goers and business-seekers all heaped up under the single roof of a lengthy stretch in vain tries to be saved from getting sodden by the heavy down pour.
The same sub-way which used to look like a creepy under ground place for all sorts of illegal (business) dealings on all those sunny afternoons was unbelievably over populated with a strong stench of unwashed socks of the school kids huddled towards the corner of the narrow passage-way peppered with the reek of moisture, sweat, unwashed clothes, unwashed bodies and what not’s?!
It was 7.13 already and I was still at the threshold of the sub-way and I had a long way to go, though buying a ticket wasn’t a problem because I had my train-pass with me, so that process at least was a time-saver!
In the menacing crowd that was unsuspectingly manhandling me from all four directions in their desperate measures to find room in the constricted space available, I was trawling to find my way out of this deadliest trap with quick-glances at my digital sports watch once in 15 seconds and even quicker prayers coming out of my mouth naturally at the time of crisis such as this to get into the 7.20 unit & even hoping to empty my last minute ditch effort at that as long as it serves the purpose in the end to find me in my train!!
Slowly trudging my way through the messy mass I was getting restless....and suddenly like a gust of wind from nowhere with a quick-push from a group of ladies behind me I was shoved towards the egress of the eternal sub-way!
At the first rush of the fresh air, I thanked the almighty for letting me survive the Tunnel-Effect Syndrome!
But then that definitely was not all there was to it!
Well in fact it wasn’t even half of what it took to make this incident a wholesome adventure as I called it before!
Now comes the most intriguing part where I am to choose between two options: Either taking the long route of walking another furlong surpassing the heavy road-side traffic or to do a high-jump across a 4 and a half feet high wall amidst all the unknown and unauthorized bushes and shrubs and not to mention with a nostril-flaring thick odor of the fluid-downloads done (at morning, noon and night) by our fellow humans in and around the area. For once, being lightweight and athletic did help me in a real-time situation such as this, to go in for the high-jump option, which almost none of the girls who travel by the same transport media as that of mine fail to choose. After having achieved a successful time-saving tactic, I look at my mega sized sports watch to make sure that its still working having lived quite a strong hit against the half demolished side parapet wall.
Thanks to god the watch is intact!
Defiant as always as I am to my mother’s advise right from rising early from my bed in the mornings to starting out early to reach the railway station in time, as usual it was cringe time to hurriedly recoil all the advises of 'amma' while maintaining a fast gait across the railway gate towards the steps to my platform, I must appreciate myself at managing a prayer cum time-check all at once…oh gosh! It showed 7.23. I split into a quick run down the steps now praying that I don’t end up
falling-down face first stepping in a slippery pool of idle waters formed at both ends of every step due to the mad-rain fall…in the past how many ever hours it had been raining for…but thanks to my Reeboks it was very much firm to give me all the grip that I needed to do a safe-landing.
Guess I was too young back then to have managed such a remarkable speed.
Therefore I reach my platform, and let out a sigh of relief at the notice of my usual train-mates. A couple of college girls, a vegetable-vendor and a 40yr old lady who works for the “Tambaram” sub-registrar's office.
It was that dainty lady who first acknowledged my last minute inclusion in the prolonged wait for the train and ensured me with a soft pat on my shoulder that I haven’t missed it and that the train is delayed due to the wash-out of the tracks at the basin-bridge.
Now…Another creep begins to unveil its face slowly when it was not even 2 minutes since I felt happy at having kept up the time before the train reached the station.
It was “Will I be able to reach my college on time; which is at 8.30 am?”
And it takes 1hr to reach Tambaram especially.... when it’s raining like this.... it would take a quarter more extra to reach Tambaram from where I am to walk again for about 10 minutes to reach my destination!
And I immediately skip into a mental arithmetic of approximate arrival time of my train at Tambaram from 7.27am which was what my watch displayed at that point.
I was damned sure to be late for a minimum of at the least 10 minutes to at the max GOD KNOWS!
Anyways gathering some more energy to withstand the loud and disgraceful barks of my college gate keeper and instructor and the stifled ridicule of my own
class-mates as a topping to everything that I had gone through for the past half an hour or so made me emulate a shiver followed by the real one that was due to chillness of the climate and my wet dress.
In utter distaste at the mental picture of being ridiculed and yelled at, I feel a sudden urge to hop down the railway crossing and get back to home and produce a leave letter the next day at college saying that I was sick with fever or had a bad stomach pain that kept me immobile.
But then that again was an even more irritating procedure, as I must produce a prescription to the college authorities so as to make them believe that I wasn’t being dishonest about my fever. Hell with that. At least going late stopped with few warnings and a minor ridiculing. Consequently, I decide going to college somehow as a much better and a saner option.
With in the next 10 minutes the train comes puffing and gasping, with maximum possible number of passengers foot boarding and clinging to the windows of every compartment from the first to the last as fast as a buffalo walking in the rain.
My instinct tells me not to get into this train but as I have no other go if I loose this train…My gut warns me again at least, not this compartment; My usual one. The ladies compartment. But who dares wins, I tell myself - It's going to be crowded only for the next few stations to come but after Airport it’s going to be all right, so I decide to dare.
As fast as I can manage, I push across the trampling, squashing, tumbling bunch of ladies fighting with their full force, yelling on top of their voices to find a place inside…I take pride in spotting just the right spot on that compartment - just near the entrance, but not too near. I let myself into the two straps of my legendary black bag and rest my back with a semi-cushion effect that my bag gave my back resting atop the partition between two sitting enclosures. The next station comes even before I could start feeling comfortable with the convenient place that I found for myself.
So I feel all the more happy…thinking after all this isn’t as bad as it looked a few minutes before. Just then from the station by which the train had just stopped emerged a crowd of ladies that I never imagined could fit in 5 compartments of the train. A female with a hefty built and an unfriendly appearance with a funny face skewed in the process of chewing what looked like a truck load of tobacco grumbled and cursed at the new faces in the compartment for snatching her private little place (the one facing the entrance where my bag and in turn by back was rested upon) that according to all virtual non-existent rule books belonged to her…and showed her full-frustration at placing a huge jute basket full of vegetables on my right foot. Apparently, that took me few minutes to gather my strength to react to the acute pain on my right foot, as a result of the mercy bestowed upon by the hefty-lady!
I tell her she had conveniently rested the basket on my foot and she retorts back asking
“Vera yenga vechhi tholayaradhu?? Ingadhan moochu vidakuda yedam illye?”
[Meaning:“where the hell am I to put it then? There is no place here to breathe even!”]
Hurriedly without wanting to hear another verbatim to be blurted out from the dear lady I keep my big-mouth shut and indulge in the process of slowly releasing my foot from underneath the heavy vegetable-basket inch by inch.
In what looks like a few decades, the train reaches the next station. To me it only means more crowd. But the hefty lady some how managed to shove in a few lean & wiry girls who work for the leather company next to airport and got herself some place to stand by me comfortably, looking down she pushed the basket towards herself and said
“Romba valikuda papa? Vera edamey illayema na yenna panrathu ?”
[Meaning: “does your feet pain real bad? What am I to do dear there was no place around”]
I was taken by total surprise, at her sudden concern about my hurt foot and beamed at her with an assurance that I am perfectly ok and that it didn’t hurt much when in fact it did hurt very badly with a numb-some pain that I was going through I couldn’t actually gauge the depth of the damage done to my poor little tail ender toes.
Having received my endorsement about the state of my hurt leg, she switched on to her ranting again about the new crowds during rainy times giving the usual passengers a big time trouble because of lack of space and about her morbid profit rate at selling these vegetables on a heavy–set day such as this and what wud she do if the rain continues this way spoiling the meager money that she was making.
Although I nodded, I was wondering what a world it is…we wish, pray, chant, do Pooja’s and perform Yagnya’s wishing for rain but here we are when the rain decides to drench us as an answer to all the Pooja’s and Yagnya’s carried out in favor of the same, We LAMENT & CRIB about it.
Just another perfect example to the fact, that, Life is always a mishmash of ironies and paradoxes.
A sudden jerk of the train brought about with the blow its whistle got me back to the practical world where I found the lady next to me grinning and saying
“yenna papa na sollradhu sari dhaney?”
[Meaning “what dear, don’t u think I am right?”]
Well apparently I didn’t know what she was referring to as I had lost myself in my thoughts about rain and its consequences.
So I manage with a grin in return and a nod, which made her feel, pleased and kept her happy at that.
With that blow of the whistle, I was expecting the next station to approach very soon.
Unfortunately which never happened for the next 15 minutes, and I was getting restless, at last when inquired, I was told that the train was waiting for the clearance and it seemed like the dangling half-dead signal had totally broken down last night as a result of the wind blowing at some hundred and odd kmph.
Very Insightful – I think – and feel pissed off!
After what seemed like hours (Actually 15 or so minutes) we got the manual clearance from the station guard who was late for the day (because of the mad-rain...Ha Ha) and had no knowledge about the knocked down signal, got threats for being reported to his higher authorities for failing in his duties by few of the furious passengers.
Having done all that the train got back to life again and my heart was pounding and racing more than the speed of the train because as for now I was already running late for about 20 minutes and I had 1 more station to go.
The rain hadn’t slowed down all the while and amidst all the pushing and pulling and hodge-podge of the crowd there were shouts and screams of missing and broken umbrellas….
Thankfully I was wearing a jacket so wasn’t running the risk of losing one or breaking one.
And the train stops abruptly; definitely meaning it’s not the station where I was supposed to get down and did not move an inch for the next 20 minutes.
By now I definitely was undergoing a repetitive stress injury because of the excessive load on my shoulders as a result of my the trekking bag stuffed with my engineering drafter, Chart pipe, books, lunch, water bottle and other college essentials. I was holding on to the central pole at the entrance as if my life depended on it. Actually it did!
The train starts moving (just after my feet go numb and I can feel a 'spring' in them) only to stop midway, a few yards from where it had started to move. Another twenty minutes in the middle of nowhere. I try to perfect my transcendental patience practice. It just doesn't work. I give up. Every inch of my body either aches or feels funny. I feel absolutely hopeless.
And then it was time to get another announcement --- Due to some engine choke-out we were told that the train wouldn’t move any further and that we were to go by walk for about 1 km to reach the last station, which was also my destination – Destination Tambaram!
How did I know that something as worse as this was waiting for me in this train journey making my gut feeling come true that I got at the first look of this train propelling itself as slow as it could to reach my boarding point?
Nothing worse than being a skeptic, I tell myself…. Too ghostly I say! I start thinking about who said, "Thank God I'm an atheist." And I find no answer to that so I give up. I surpass.
Now, all I can do is eagerly wait for the moment I'll be pushed down by the raging and growling crowd jostling me all over and put me back to square one to trudge my way to my destination once again – just the way it had all started !
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Splash Lovers & their Reasons to do so...
In my opinion, where I call myself a teetotaler and stand by it till-date, I commonly find three reasons for men (or should I say one?! With the increasing number of females taking to drinks these days equalizing the ratio with their male counterparts!) to fall into habitual drinking.
The first and the foremost being, the need to keep up family standards and expectations; the second and equally significant, the peer pressure (from family or something that’s parallel to it) leading to controlled addiction; and the last but not the least, the inane belief that it would help forget failures.
If one has 100 regrets at the age of 25 he would definitely have a 100 more by the age of 50.So do not let compunctions or guilt traps shadow your life, unveil your real self by getting out of the darkening doom clouding over you and try to get a new episode of your life.
Instead, people seeking instant remedies to their prolonged tribulations, which by itself is a highly unreasonable thing in all aspects, choose to cease the last drop of their hang-ups, giving way to the first of their hang-overs.
The reasons are manifold, but the result is one.
You are a drunkard and there’s no better intonation to that!
There are few that cares more about the expenditure made than about the reputation or the shame that’s involved.
However being conscious about the thickness of your wallet would only make you
thick-skinned on top of being fallacious!
And what a great decision it would prove to be in the end that you do get to enjoy the privileges of drinking and its associated funs and are still patting yourself for not contributing to the expenses there by making sure that your wallet size remains healthy! This conscious effort on the day of initiation effectively means that there wouldn’t be any new needless expenditure - neither in the way of indulging yourself, nor in treating your drink-table buddies.
101 reasons to get yourself drunk and blame it on the circumstances, situations, company and worst of all “FATE”!
It looks like the very reason for the existence of that four-lettered word is to make things very expedient and most reasonable to those that intensely love the ‘magic potion’.
Yet again, as much as the craze for the magical drink prevails, the fear of ill reputation for being branded as liquor-lover or a drunkard remains too.
There are a bunch out there w
ho starts out in the beginning as 'giving company' and later on grow up to become trend setters!
Company is again an important factor that influences an individual in reconsidering his tee totalistic – attitude that he might have saved up till date. A dubious company and working night shifts is a perfect combo to be a best stage for all the first timers to get their life started out in the fluid-world!
There’s this always ever-manipulative logic that serves good as a rationalization for the beginners who are wooed by their friends seemingly to ease the tension but actually to partner in the crime.
Succumbing to the gentle woos by your friends as apposed to the peer pressure - what more can be a much comfortable and easy option?
Obviously with great delight that the last witness of your first crime was also taken care of, you would start off to attend your needs of thirst!
The first and the foremost being, the need to keep up family standards and expectations; the second and equally significant, the peer pressure (from family or something that’s parallel to it) leading to controlled addiction; and the last but not the least, the inane belief that it would help forget failures.
If one has 100 regrets at the age of 25 he would definitely have a 100 more by the age of 50.So do not let compunctions or guilt traps shadow your life, unveil your real self by getting out of the darkening doom clouding over you and try to get a new episode of your life.
Instead, people seeking instant remedies to their prolonged tribulations, which by itself is a highly unreasonable thing in all aspects, choose to cease the last drop of their hang-ups, giving way to the first of their hang-overs.
The reasons are manifold, but the result is one.
You are a drunkard and there’s no better intonation to that!
There are few that cares more about the expenditure made than about the reputation or the shame that’s involved.
However being conscious about the thickness of your wallet would only make you
thick-skinned on top of being fallacious!
And what a great decision it would prove to be in the end that you do get to enjoy the privileges of drinking and its associated funs and are still patting yourself for not contributing to the expenses there by making sure that your wallet size remains healthy! This conscious effort on the day of initiation effectively means that there wouldn’t be any new needless expenditure - neither in the way of indulging yourself, nor in treating your drink-table buddies.
101 reasons to get yourself drunk and blame it on the circumstances, situations, company and worst of all “FATE”!
It looks like the very reason for the existence of that four-lettered word is to make things very expedient and most reasonable to those that intensely love the ‘magic potion’.
Yet again, as much as the craze for the magical drink prevails, the fear of ill reputation for being branded as liquor-lover or a drunkard remains too.
There are a bunch out there w
ho starts out in the beginning as 'giving company' and later on grow up to become trend setters!
Company is again an important factor that influences an individual in reconsidering his tee totalistic – attitude that he might have saved up till date. A dubious company and working night shifts is a perfect combo to be a best stage for all the first timers to get their life started out in the fluid-world!
There’s this always ever-manipulative logic that serves good as a rationalization for the beginners who are wooed by their friends seemingly to ease the tension but actually to partner in the crime.
Succumbing to the gentle woos by your friends as apposed to the peer pressure - what more can be a much comfortable and easy option?
Obviously with great delight that the last witness of your first crime was also taken care of, you would start off to attend your needs of thirst!
Whats a DoodleBoard ?
Should one consider it a shame if he/she doesn’t know what a doodle board means?
Well in that case...someone sometime ago didn’t know what LOL meant ?! now shouldn’t that be a shame too ??
Knowledge is a flexible medium, which can be expanded depending on an individual’s private interest.
If I am enthused by a new argot, its left to me and my personal curiosity to know more about it right?
Then Why should it be the latest topic of mockery among people, when the prior-informed sect figure what they know is not known by the other less-informed person?
Funny how some conveniently forget that they are not gifted with the powers to know the anatomy of every moving,non-moving,crawling,mutated,visible and invisible things under the sun and as a matter of fact, what they think they know is not even a hand-full!
So…what’s the big deal now?
Yes I didn’t know what a doodle board meant…or what was it used for quite sometime ago!
Ignorance is a common error at all the levels..
Errors can always be corrected.
DoodleBoard – the original free board services allows visitors to leave messages and even pictures on your site without the hassle of forums, and yet have lots of fun with different sets of smilies. DoodleBoard works on the concept of client side messaging system and was developed for all serious bloggers of the internet community, with only one aim in mind - The freedom to express and the ability to keep in touch.
Is this all it is?
That just would have taken an one line explanation instead of the10 minutes of ridiculing!
Why, yes…noone learns from others mistakes…they always do from their own!
So now am I enlightened with a nimbus around my head JUST because I now posess the knowledge about THE DOODLEBOARD????
Funnyyyy…very very very Funny !!
Well in that case...someone sometime ago didn’t know what LOL meant ?! now shouldn’t that be a shame too ??
Knowledge is a flexible medium, which can be expanded depending on an individual’s private interest.
If I am enthused by a new argot, its left to me and my personal curiosity to know more about it right?
Then Why should it be the latest topic of mockery among people, when the prior-informed sect figure what they know is not known by the other less-informed person?
Funny how some conveniently forget that they are not gifted with the powers to know the anatomy of every moving,non-moving,crawling,mutated,visible and invisible things under the sun and as a matter of fact, what they think they know is not even a hand-full!
So…what’s the big deal now?
Yes I didn’t know what a doodle board meant…or what was it used for quite sometime ago!
Ignorance is a common error at all the levels..
Errors can always be corrected.
DoodleBoard – the original free board services allows visitors to leave messages and even pictures on your site without the hassle of forums, and yet have lots of fun with different sets of smilies. DoodleBoard works on the concept of client side messaging system and was developed for all serious bloggers of the internet community, with only one aim in mind - The freedom to express and the ability to keep in touch.
Is this all it is?
That just would have taken an one line explanation instead of the10 minutes of ridiculing!
Why, yes…noone learns from others mistakes…they always do from their own!
So now am I enlightened with a nimbus around my head JUST because I now posess the knowledge about THE DOODLEBOARD????
Funnyyyy…very very very Funny !!
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Neither Here Nor There...!
Sometimes we find ourselves fluctuating a lot from the decision out of a situation to be made because of the significance of the ‘state of affairs’ grounded on the circumstances there by swaying and flickering from the right decision to be made on a justifiable note.
Always remember the balance when ur in the shoes of a judge…otherwise be true and remind urself constantly not to take the post of the judge when u cant get urself into being unbiased towards the subject and the case.
Graceful degradation is where all of us are heading to…. there’s no constant or consistent things to be doted upon or trusted with. There’s nothing that’s long standing and worthy of our unconditional belief.
Skepticism has become quintessential in everything and everyone.
And apparently all prefer to be a skeptic than to be an optimistic and loose hold of options in life.
In a world of hypocrites no ones ready for a confrontation.
Everybody seems to be running away from it plainly cos every one of us are guilty being a part of the ultimate crime in one-way or the other.
One wouldn’t want to row with someone cos of the personal fear of humiliation he may have to undergo by the verbal attack of his counterpart !
And disgrace and ignominy is something that’s proscribed in the tamed, civilized and educated society of today.
“U be a don but still be unknown to the mundane and that gives u more respect and value for what u are” is how people of late seem to be training their minds with.
And today this is one of the widespread reasons why most of the relationships remain dilapidated even before conforming its full effectiveness to the parties involved.
But then speaking out does solve things as said earlier by all those great souls who had seen, felt and by experience faced a lot of decrepit miseries all their lives.
Well well, whos who to say what’s what here ?
One may want to speak out to feel good but one may want to stay shut to be happy and feel good bout themselves.
Either way its better that one takes sometime with the intriguing questions that occur to them now and then.
Trying to get as creative, imaginative and wild as one can get one must take both the stands for those questions that often make us wonder and try to be a judge of our own things.
Taking time is one important factor…nothing happens accidentally!
Each happening is a planned event!
Making the best out of the plan is always what one expects, for expectation is one main factor that stands proof for many things to happen and it’s the pivot around which the events occur making things happen and ultimately giving it a false shade called “accident”!
No use lamenting for the loss for its obvious that u lose when u are at a game of gamble where the probabilities of ur winning is scanty!
So what would u do??
Redefine??
But how true can u be in redefining having just recovered from the fatal accident ?
The tenacity and the doggedness to redefine urself in an all-new-dimension must be more than equivalent to the one that led u to the accident….
Because recovery always takes more time than injury!
And when ur willing to recover u do it fully without taking any chances cos when u take chances it more or less means that ur preparing urself yet again for a more deadly accident this time !
It’s the state of ur mind that must decide where ur trudging on ..to seek what and how to go about achieving it
Every wrong goal would setoff a list of wrong measures eventually making the little leftover rights to be turned wrong in the process of wrong doing and wrong thinking.
U work on what u think…and when u think something wrong it ends up wrongly..
Always remember the balance when ur in the shoes of a judge…otherwise be true and remind urself constantly not to take the post of the judge when u cant get urself into being unbiased towards the subject and the case.
Graceful degradation is where all of us are heading to…. there’s no constant or consistent things to be doted upon or trusted with. There’s nothing that’s long standing and worthy of our unconditional belief.
Skepticism has become quintessential in everything and everyone.
And apparently all prefer to be a skeptic than to be an optimistic and loose hold of options in life.
In a world of hypocrites no ones ready for a confrontation.
Everybody seems to be running away from it plainly cos every one of us are guilty being a part of the ultimate crime in one-way or the other.
One wouldn’t want to row with someone cos of the personal fear of humiliation he may have to undergo by the verbal attack of his counterpart !
And disgrace and ignominy is something that’s proscribed in the tamed, civilized and educated society of today.
“U be a don but still be unknown to the mundane and that gives u more respect and value for what u are” is how people of late seem to be training their minds with.
And today this is one of the widespread reasons why most of the relationships remain dilapidated even before conforming its full effectiveness to the parties involved.
But then speaking out does solve things as said earlier by all those great souls who had seen, felt and by experience faced a lot of decrepit miseries all their lives.
Well well, whos who to say what’s what here ?
One may want to speak out to feel good but one may want to stay shut to be happy and feel good bout themselves.
Either way its better that one takes sometime with the intriguing questions that occur to them now and then.
Trying to get as creative, imaginative and wild as one can get one must take both the stands for those questions that often make us wonder and try to be a judge of our own things.
Taking time is one important factor…nothing happens accidentally!
Each happening is a planned event!
Making the best out of the plan is always what one expects, for expectation is one main factor that stands proof for many things to happen and it’s the pivot around which the events occur making things happen and ultimately giving it a false shade called “accident”!
No use lamenting for the loss for its obvious that u lose when u are at a game of gamble where the probabilities of ur winning is scanty!
So what would u do??
Redefine??
But how true can u be in redefining having just recovered from the fatal accident ?
The tenacity and the doggedness to redefine urself in an all-new-dimension must be more than equivalent to the one that led u to the accident….
Because recovery always takes more time than injury!
And when ur willing to recover u do it fully without taking any chances cos when u take chances it more or less means that ur preparing urself yet again for a more deadly accident this time !
It’s the state of ur mind that must decide where ur trudging on ..to seek what and how to go about achieving it
Every wrong goal would setoff a list of wrong measures eventually making the little leftover rights to be turned wrong in the process of wrong doing and wrong thinking.
U work on what u think…and when u think something wrong it ends up wrongly..
The Butterfly Story
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole.
Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no farther. Then the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily.
Something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and deformed wings. It was never able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the small opening of the cocoon are God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.
If God allowed us to go through all our life without any obstacles, that would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.
Not only that, we could never fly.
Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no farther. Then the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily.
Something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and deformed wings. It was never able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the small opening of the cocoon are God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.
If God allowed us to go through all our life without any obstacles, that would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.
Not only that, we could never fly.
Some one some time ago had said the following....
VERSION I
Remember, you can earn more money, but when time is spent..it is gone forever.
Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, Make Me Feel Important. Not only will you succeed in sales, you will also succeed in life.
Perhaps the single most important element in mastering the techniques and tactics of racing is experience. But once you have the fundamentals, acquiring the experience is a matter of time
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do then by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
VERSION II
Someone thinks about u before they go to sleep.
Atleast 15 people in this world love u in some way.
The only reason anyone would ever hate u is because they want to be just like u.
A smile from u can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like u.
There r atleast 2 people in this world that u would die for.
U mean the world to someone.
Someone that u don't even know exists loves u.
When u make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
When u think the world has turned its back on u, take a look again.
Always remember the compliments u received.
Forget about the rude marks.
Remember, you can earn more money, but when time is spent..it is gone forever.
Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, Make Me Feel Important. Not only will you succeed in sales, you will also succeed in life.
Perhaps the single most important element in mastering the techniques and tactics of racing is experience. But once you have the fundamentals, acquiring the experience is a matter of time
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do then by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
VERSION II
Someone thinks about u before they go to sleep.
Atleast 15 people in this world love u in some way.
The only reason anyone would ever hate u is because they want to be just like u.
A smile from u can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like u.
There r atleast 2 people in this world that u would die for.
U mean the world to someone.
Someone that u don't even know exists loves u.
When u make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
When u think the world has turned its back on u, take a look again.
Always remember the compliments u received.
Forget about the rude marks.
I am a poet and i didnt know....
We were friends of life
Friends of good times and bad
You were the one that I
Liked the most,
Treasured the most,
And of course trusted the most too…
Days spent with u were the
Most cherished memories of my life…
Felt proud being your friend …
With every small favor that u did
Only my debts were incremented
With the strength of our friendship
Growing more I really envied you with
The way u cared and understood me
In every possible way and stood by me
When I needed u the most …
But never did I think that it was all a
Preview for something drastic to
Show up in the future leaving me out
In the deep misery and melancholy
Things were always fine and pure
As long as the expectations from each
Other remained the same for sure.
Soon the equilibrium was lost
With one extra bit of selfishness
And uncertainty started the gruesome things
That would shatter the delicate bowl of friendship.
At first I didn’t know how to react
Because I wasn’t prepared to loose you
And the thought made me feel weak
As it meant losing all my strength saved up
In our friendship till date…
With thoughts debating with each other
I ran past a number of sleepless nights
Thinking of a solution to end the misery
I realized I wasn’t in love
But u were…
Nevertheless I needed our friendship
Because u were one of those true kinds
And I believed I could change you
Change u the way I changed u before
In making u fall in love with me
I thought I would change you again..
But this time ……
In making u forget the love u have for
Me and get it over with and
Come to me one fine day and tell me
“ I promise you today that
You are just my Best friend now…
And I wish we stayed this way
Pure and harmless all our life… And
Thanks for changing me into what I was before!”
Days passed and I saw myself losing
Cos u didn’t want to change this time
You were stuck with the first change that
Induced the love in you…
And I was helpless..
I was getting uncomfortable
You were my best friend..
But I was not just your best friend …
We were not on the same levels
That disturbed me a lot
I wanted a way out
Tried out all I can
But u weren’t ready for the change
That I wanted from you..
I was getting scared
I was feeling bad
I didn’t want to see my best friend
Struggle or feel bad this way
I could sense what u feel
And I couldn’t do anything about it…
I failed in changing you…
I failed…in making u understand
That I wasn’t okay with you…
Wasn’t okay with your head filled
With me and my thoughts
I willed and wished to be your Best friend
Nothing more and nothing less too
But when I figured I couldn’t
Do anything to change you..
I felt bad…
I didn’t have a choice but to
Go away…
Walk-away with out a word…
But sensed that it would take
A lot from me to do it !
So I decide that
And talk to you…
First sarcasm filled the air striking remarks then followed
Grins turned into dubious eyebrows,
I knew I was giving u a hard time
I didn’t find any other way out
And I let the arguments begin! Time passed by... now more withonly acquiring the habit we have begun. Though the longer the mockery was, the harder it was revealing each other's identity.
Because neither u nor I was ready to give up
On what we had on our minds…
And ironically I was still hoping by some magic
I would end up finding the real "you."
The “You” - As you used to be before…
Is that an off beam expectation?
Unfortunately, there's just too many sarcasm from me, and barely little of the real u...
Powerless…I asked if this would change, God told me "yes—it would" Deciding that nature will take its place I set aside my worries and decided
To proceed with my life
And wanted you to do the same.
While in my mind, I knowthere's a boundary keeping us apart.
(Which I didn’t want to be there…
As it never was long ago
When we were just good friends..)
With things coming to a formal
Ending I still wonder…
Will our friendship ever be at ease? In my mind – I still remain..I hope..
And I pray
For the change that I wished for!
Composed by,
I, Me and Myself
Friends of good times and bad
You were the one that I
Liked the most,
Treasured the most,
And of course trusted the most too…
Days spent with u were the
Most cherished memories of my life…
Felt proud being your friend …
With every small favor that u did
Only my debts were incremented
With the strength of our friendship
Growing more I really envied you with
The way u cared and understood me
In every possible way and stood by me
When I needed u the most …
But never did I think that it was all a
Preview for something drastic to
Show up in the future leaving me out
In the deep misery and melancholy
Things were always fine and pure
As long as the expectations from each
Other remained the same for sure.
Soon the equilibrium was lost
With one extra bit of selfishness
And uncertainty started the gruesome things
That would shatter the delicate bowl of friendship.
At first I didn’t know how to react
Because I wasn’t prepared to loose you
And the thought made me feel weak
As it meant losing all my strength saved up
In our friendship till date…
With thoughts debating with each other
I ran past a number of sleepless nights
Thinking of a solution to end the misery
I realized I wasn’t in love
But u were…
Nevertheless I needed our friendship
Because u were one of those true kinds
And I believed I could change you
Change u the way I changed u before
In making u fall in love with me
I thought I would change you again..
But this time ……
In making u forget the love u have for
Me and get it over with and
Come to me one fine day and tell me
“ I promise you today that
You are just my Best friend now…
And I wish we stayed this way
Pure and harmless all our life… And
Thanks for changing me into what I was before!”
Days passed and I saw myself losing
Cos u didn’t want to change this time
You were stuck with the first change that
Induced the love in you…
And I was helpless..
I was getting uncomfortable
You were my best friend..
But I was not just your best friend …
We were not on the same levels
That disturbed me a lot
I wanted a way out
Tried out all I can
But u weren’t ready for the change
That I wanted from you..
I was getting scared
I was feeling bad
I didn’t want to see my best friend
Struggle or feel bad this way
I could sense what u feel
And I couldn’t do anything about it…
I failed in changing you…
I failed…in making u understand
That I wasn’t okay with you…
Wasn’t okay with your head filled
With me and my thoughts
I willed and wished to be your Best friend
Nothing more and nothing less too
But when I figured I couldn’t
Do anything to change you..
I felt bad…
I didn’t have a choice but to
Go away…
Walk-away with out a word…
But sensed that it would take
A lot from me to do it !
So I decide that
And talk to you…
First sarcasm filled the air striking remarks then followed
Grins turned into dubious eyebrows,
I knew I was giving u a hard time
I didn’t find any other way out
And I let the arguments begin! Time passed by... now more withonly acquiring the habit we have begun. Though the longer the mockery was, the harder it was revealing each other's identity.
Because neither u nor I was ready to give up
On what we had on our minds…
And ironically I was still hoping by some magic
I would end up finding the real "you."
The “You” - As you used to be before…
Is that an off beam expectation?
Unfortunately, there's just too many sarcasm from me, and barely little of the real u...
Powerless…I asked if this would change, God told me "yes—it would" Deciding that nature will take its place I set aside my worries and decided
To proceed with my life
And wanted you to do the same.
While in my mind, I knowthere's a boundary keeping us apart.
(Which I didn’t want to be there…
As it never was long ago
When we were just good friends..)
With things coming to a formal
Ending I still wonder…
Will our friendship ever be at ease? In my mind – I still remain..I hope..
And I pray
For the change that I wished for!
Composed by,
I, Me and Myself
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Who - Why - What & How ?
There are so many WHYs in our lives that are left unanswered......
Luck winning the chance or chance winning the oppurtunity or oppurtunity winning the possibility ????
Why is it you feel good one day and bad the next for no apparent reason?
Is it just luck or chance that makes things go well today and badly tomorrow?
why is it that there is a constant feeling that we have uncontrollable mood swings?
Life may have its ups and downs, but life does not have to be an uncontrollable roller coaster!
It's such a relief to not feel like I'm on a constant roller coaster, happy
one moment and completely desperate in another and its the otherway round most of the times.
And i think i wud get bored feeling 'up'& or feeling 'down' most of the time.
Believe me, having fun is --- it's much more fun than riding a roller
coaster that's out of control!
however u can always find out what - and who - is causing things to go wrong in your life. Conditions in ur life either improve or get worse. They don't stay the same.
A worsening condition in any area of life can bring u down and send ur whole
life towards failure. Have u ever known someone who seems to be doing great at work,
but their inability to have a sane relationship takes its toll not only on their personal ,
but also on their public life? Some great Legends...who've seen the glory of sucess...may spot this is an all-too-common situation these days, as an otherwise very
capable person can be brought to the point of utter despair over their inability
to handle some area of their life. but i donot agree with this point,cos u speak philosophy only after reaching a defined peak.so its easy to say things from the ends of luxury to a man whos dwindling in the huge admonishing shadows of strife..poverty...depression...& failure.
It can be a source of tremendous frustration and upset to a person, and can factually take up a lot of his or her attention blended with keen concentration to over come all these so called practical impossibilities according to them.
Too many people lead unhappy lives due to their inability to deal with others.While they understand the importance of having successful relationships, they aren't able to do so.
from a scientic report it is noted that.......
"Depression results from abnormal functioning of the brain. The causes of depression are currently a matter of intense research. An interaction between genetic predisposition and life history appear to determine a person's level of risk. Episodes of depression may then be triggered by stress, difficult life events, side effects of medications, or other environmental factors."
but according to me..definition of depression would be --- A state of sadness!
Depression is more than just feeling sad and can be very difficult to work through.
It feels very out of control sometimes and although there are ways to feel better,
it is often very difficult to see those options from the bottom of a “dark pit.”
The real cause of depression is not where we are, but our attitude about where we find ourselves.
It is possible to learn to live on the other side of ur feelings. We will always have feelings,
they will never go away, but we can make our feelings line up with our decisions. That's why God gives
us the fruit of self-control.....he he which i dunno where i have placed ...with my raging temper
being triggered at times to a great extent that the shot of bullet streaming out isnt that easy to be
stopped...forgot or overcome.
Does happiness depend on everything in your life being just right?
If u think u can't be happy until all ur circumstances are right, u will never be happy.
We all experience times in life when we feel down for various reasons, but we can't allow our circumstances
to control our emotions. Satan seeks to fill our minds with negative thoughts and emotions that cause us to
feel down. He is a discourager, and he pulls us down emotionally, spiritually, financially, and in every way he can.
How u feel affects how u think and how u act and vice versa.
When u are depressed u tend to see things negatively, u get frustrated and angry easily.
When u feel better u may find that ur anger decreases and u are able to tolerate more from others.
It is difficult to directly change how u feel. It is easier to attack those feelings indirectly by changing
how u think and how u act.
When you feel depressed u tend to start avoiding doing activities and seeing ppl that u would normally
find enjoyable because u “just don’t feel like it.” However, that is the worst thing to do because the end
result will be that u feel even worse.
Another common action when u r depressed is to become quickly frustrated and to get angry easily,
and frequently at the people who r important to U or ppl who r are trying to help..
Identifying counterproductive habits or thoughts you would like to discontinue and then discarding them instantly is the very first step.
Being mentally or emotionally rigid means that you hang on to habits that no longer serve you, habits that can make you unproductive, frustrated, unfulfilled.
Few illustrations of counterproductive habits that may reduce your will to persevere:
Grousing about work or the neighbors with friendsBlowing small aggravations out of proportionDwelling in the pastWorrying about stuff that may not even happen, or that you cannot controlViewing yourself as a victimWorrying about what others are doing or what others have.
Try to be yourself and try to Focus on what you can do, not what you cannot do. When you focus on what you cannot do, you get more of it!
Keep YOUR pace. It's different from the pace of others. and don't feel guilty about moving ahead of some of your contemporaries. Live the life YOU want to live; earn what YOU want to earn; do what YOU want to do. Don't be too concerned about how others are living their lives.
As a person, I would actually say
there are no specifications really,as people come in all sizes and shapes,
and its the whole package that counts….like someone who is a Fortune 500 exec could be great in making money, but that’s not what your going to live with… you do need to be a mentor in understanding human minds at its varied projections!
After all its emotions and feelings that plays the actual role of life…
How do u differentiate 1 person from another ..obviously apart from man and woman…..cos everyone’s got 2 eyes 2 hands 2 legs and so on…but what distinguishes them is what they are to u….the intimacy that ur showered with…the feelings & emotions wud never fail…I remember this story which disturbed me a lot….
A story of a dad & son….
Dad says to son: I was deprived of what I dreamt for…cos of poverty…I wudnt let tht happen to u my dear son so… son I want u to become a doctor..
Son says to dad:ok dad will do that…
Dad says to son: don’t get urself into any bad habits cos u might distracted and fail to achieve my dream see u as a doctor
Son says: ok dad I wont get distracted.
One fine day son becomes a good doctor..
Dad says :dear son,u made my dream come true… be bold to ask me whatever u want !
Son says: Dad I want u to Build a clinic for me
Dad says:ok son & gets it done for his son.
Son says to dad: ok dad get me a new suit now &
Dad gets him one..
Son says get me a new car & dad gets him one
Son says get me a house & dad gets him one
Son says get me married off to my gf and dad obliges..
Finally, son says I don’t need u anymore get urself a place at an old age home..
Dad says but son what ur today is cos of me…
Son says: I know dad…but this is not where I didn’t want to be…but u pushed me into it …did u ever care to ask me wat my dream was ?? did u ever stopped to ask me whether I liked to become a doctor or not ?? did u ever know that ur dreams cannot be same as mine ??
Dad becomes speech less for a while and says…but son,I was a poor young man at ur age and I wanted to be a doctor cos its one profession where u make lots of money….don’t u have a heart ? its me…ur dad who’s the reason for what u r today my son !
Son says: but dad…when did I ever say becoming a rich man is my DREAM ?
U were a money minded maniac all ur life…and u pushed me into it…u never taught me what love is…what caring and sharing is…what emotions and feelings are…u know what I have as definition for a dad – Money Minded Maniac or (Materialistic, Money minded, Manipulative)
Where as it should actually be the other triple MMM
M – Magnificent
M – Maestro
M – Meticulous
This is something one should always think about…give room to others thoughts & feelings too…before u forcibly push in ur expectations in them !Its all about ur attitude once again apart from all ur hardships & tough times that u went thru’ and don’t want the same to happen to ur future generation!
The longer u live, the more u realize the impact of attitude on life. Actually Speaking, attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstance, than failure, than success, than what other people think or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It can make or break a great company, a good relationship, a happy home. The remarkable thing is you have a choice every day regarding the attitude you will embrace & follow for that day. We cannot change our past; we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.
“ I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. You are in charge of your attitudes”. -author unknown
"A true handicap is what we don't do with what we have, not what we can't do with what we don't have." - Christopher H. Brewer
"Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." - Mother Teresa
Great people…… With great attitudes…A few above are the best suited examples..
Luck winning the chance or chance winning the oppurtunity or oppurtunity winning the possibility ????
Why is it you feel good one day and bad the next for no apparent reason?
Is it just luck or chance that makes things go well today and badly tomorrow?
why is it that there is a constant feeling that we have uncontrollable mood swings?
Life may have its ups and downs, but life does not have to be an uncontrollable roller coaster!
It's such a relief to not feel like I'm on a constant roller coaster, happy
one moment and completely desperate in another and its the otherway round most of the times.
And i think i wud get bored feeling 'up'& or feeling 'down' most of the time.
Believe me, having fun is --- it's much more fun than riding a roller
coaster that's out of control!
however u can always find out what - and who - is causing things to go wrong in your life. Conditions in ur life either improve or get worse. They don't stay the same.
A worsening condition in any area of life can bring u down and send ur whole
life towards failure. Have u ever known someone who seems to be doing great at work,
but their inability to have a sane relationship takes its toll not only on their personal ,
but also on their public life? Some great Legends...who've seen the glory of sucess...may spot this is an all-too-common situation these days, as an otherwise very
capable person can be brought to the point of utter despair over their inability
to handle some area of their life. but i donot agree with this point,cos u speak philosophy only after reaching a defined peak.so its easy to say things from the ends of luxury to a man whos dwindling in the huge admonishing shadows of strife..poverty...depression...& failure.
It can be a source of tremendous frustration and upset to a person, and can factually take up a lot of his or her attention blended with keen concentration to over come all these so called practical impossibilities according to them.
Too many people lead unhappy lives due to their inability to deal with others.While they understand the importance of having successful relationships, they aren't able to do so.
from a scientic report it is noted that.......
"Depression results from abnormal functioning of the brain. The causes of depression are currently a matter of intense research. An interaction between genetic predisposition and life history appear to determine a person's level of risk. Episodes of depression may then be triggered by stress, difficult life events, side effects of medications, or other environmental factors."
but according to me..definition of depression would be --- A state of sadness!
Depression is more than just feeling sad and can be very difficult to work through.
It feels very out of control sometimes and although there are ways to feel better,
it is often very difficult to see those options from the bottom of a “dark pit.”
The real cause of depression is not where we are, but our attitude about where we find ourselves.
It is possible to learn to live on the other side of ur feelings. We will always have feelings,
they will never go away, but we can make our feelings line up with our decisions. That's why God gives
us the fruit of self-control.....he he which i dunno where i have placed ...with my raging temper
being triggered at times to a great extent that the shot of bullet streaming out isnt that easy to be
stopped...forgot or overcome.
Does happiness depend on everything in your life being just right?
If u think u can't be happy until all ur circumstances are right, u will never be happy.
We all experience times in life when we feel down for various reasons, but we can't allow our circumstances
to control our emotions. Satan seeks to fill our minds with negative thoughts and emotions that cause us to
feel down. He is a discourager, and he pulls us down emotionally, spiritually, financially, and in every way he can.
How u feel affects how u think and how u act and vice versa.
When u are depressed u tend to see things negatively, u get frustrated and angry easily.
When u feel better u may find that ur anger decreases and u are able to tolerate more from others.
It is difficult to directly change how u feel. It is easier to attack those feelings indirectly by changing
how u think and how u act.
When you feel depressed u tend to start avoiding doing activities and seeing ppl that u would normally
find enjoyable because u “just don’t feel like it.” However, that is the worst thing to do because the end
result will be that u feel even worse.
Another common action when u r depressed is to become quickly frustrated and to get angry easily,
and frequently at the people who r important to U or ppl who r are trying to help..
Identifying counterproductive habits or thoughts you would like to discontinue and then discarding them instantly is the very first step.
Being mentally or emotionally rigid means that you hang on to habits that no longer serve you, habits that can make you unproductive, frustrated, unfulfilled.
Few illustrations of counterproductive habits that may reduce your will to persevere:
Grousing about work or the neighbors with friendsBlowing small aggravations out of proportionDwelling in the pastWorrying about stuff that may not even happen, or that you cannot controlViewing yourself as a victimWorrying about what others are doing or what others have.
Try to be yourself and try to Focus on what you can do, not what you cannot do. When you focus on what you cannot do, you get more of it!
Keep YOUR pace. It's different from the pace of others. and don't feel guilty about moving ahead of some of your contemporaries. Live the life YOU want to live; earn what YOU want to earn; do what YOU want to do. Don't be too concerned about how others are living their lives.
As a person, I would actually say
there are no specifications really,as people come in all sizes and shapes,
and its the whole package that counts….like someone who is a Fortune 500 exec could be great in making money, but that’s not what your going to live with… you do need to be a mentor in understanding human minds at its varied projections!
After all its emotions and feelings that plays the actual role of life…
How do u differentiate 1 person from another ..obviously apart from man and woman…..cos everyone’s got 2 eyes 2 hands 2 legs and so on…but what distinguishes them is what they are to u….the intimacy that ur showered with…the feelings & emotions wud never fail…I remember this story which disturbed me a lot….
A story of a dad & son….
Dad says to son: I was deprived of what I dreamt for…cos of poverty…I wudnt let tht happen to u my dear son so… son I want u to become a doctor..
Son says to dad:ok dad will do that…
Dad says to son: don’t get urself into any bad habits cos u might distracted and fail to achieve my dream see u as a doctor
Son says: ok dad I wont get distracted.
One fine day son becomes a good doctor..
Dad says :dear son,u made my dream come true… be bold to ask me whatever u want !
Son says: Dad I want u to Build a clinic for me
Dad says:ok son & gets it done for his son.
Son says to dad: ok dad get me a new suit now &
Dad gets him one..
Son says get me a new car & dad gets him one
Son says get me a house & dad gets him one
Son says get me married off to my gf and dad obliges..
Finally, son says I don’t need u anymore get urself a place at an old age home..
Dad says but son what ur today is cos of me…
Son says: I know dad…but this is not where I didn’t want to be…but u pushed me into it …did u ever care to ask me wat my dream was ?? did u ever stopped to ask me whether I liked to become a doctor or not ?? did u ever know that ur dreams cannot be same as mine ??
Dad becomes speech less for a while and says…but son,I was a poor young man at ur age and I wanted to be a doctor cos its one profession where u make lots of money….don’t u have a heart ? its me…ur dad who’s the reason for what u r today my son !
Son says: but dad…when did I ever say becoming a rich man is my DREAM ?
U were a money minded maniac all ur life…and u pushed me into it…u never taught me what love is…what caring and sharing is…what emotions and feelings are…u know what I have as definition for a dad – Money Minded Maniac or (Materialistic, Money minded, Manipulative)
Where as it should actually be the other triple MMM
M – Magnificent
M – Maestro
M – Meticulous
This is something one should always think about…give room to others thoughts & feelings too…before u forcibly push in ur expectations in them !Its all about ur attitude once again apart from all ur hardships & tough times that u went thru’ and don’t want the same to happen to ur future generation!
The longer u live, the more u realize the impact of attitude on life. Actually Speaking, attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstance, than failure, than success, than what other people think or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It can make or break a great company, a good relationship, a happy home. The remarkable thing is you have a choice every day regarding the attitude you will embrace & follow for that day. We cannot change our past; we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.
“ I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. You are in charge of your attitudes”. -author unknown
"A true handicap is what we don't do with what we have, not what we can't do with what we don't have." - Christopher H. Brewer
"Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." - Mother Teresa
Great people…… With great attitudes…A few above are the best suited examples..
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